How to Survive (and Maybe Even Thrive) During the Holidays
The holidays are supposed to be joyful. Sparkly. Cozy. Full of meaningful connection.
And yet… somehow they also involve family arguments, awkward conversations, emotional landmines, and at least one moment where you seriously consider hiding in the bathroom with your phone.
If the holidays increase your stress, anxiety, or emotional exhaustion, congratulations—you’re having a very normal human response to a very intense season.
As a therapist, I can confidently say: you’re not broken, and you’re definitely not alone.
Holiday Stress Is Not a Personal Failure
The holidays combine:
Unresolved family dynamics
Unrealistic expectations
Packed schedules and social obligations
Financial stress
Pressure to “be happy”
That’s not festive. That’s a nervous system workout.
If you notice more anxiety, irritability, overwhelm, or sadness during the holidays, it doesn’t mean your mental health is declining. It means your system is responding to stress—exactly as it’s designed to.
A Quick Therapy Reality Check
Let’s normalize a few things therapists talk about all the time:
You can love your family and need space from them
You can feel gratitude and grief at the same time
You can enjoy parts of the holidays without enjoying all of it
Two things can be true. That’s basic emotional health.
Boundaries Are the Best Holiday Self-Care
You are not required to:
Answer invasive questions about your dating life
Explain your mental health to relatives who won’t listen
Mediate family conflict
Stay longer than your emotional capacity allows
Setting healthy boundaries is not rude—it’s a core mental health skill.
Helpful phrases:
“I’m not discussing that today.”
“I need to step outside for a bit.”
“We’re leaving earlier than planned.”
No explanation required. Therapy-approved.
If You’re Triggered, You’re Not Ruining the Holidays
Feeling triggered during the holidays doesn’t mean you’re dramatic or difficult. It usually means old patterns, trauma, or attachment wounds are getting activated.
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” try:
“What does this remind me of?”
“What do I need to feel safe right now?”
Sometimes the healthiest choice is taking a break, going for a walk, or leaving early—without guilt.
Thriving Doesn’t Mean Loving Every Minute
Thriving during the holidays doesn’t look like constant joy.
Sometimes it looks like:
Practicing holiday self-care
Skipping events that drain you
Eating food you actually enjoy
Scheduling therapy after family time
Letting “good enough” be enough
That’s not avoidance. That’s emotional regulation.
A Therapist’s Holiday Mental Health Checklist
✔ Get as much sleep as you can
✔ Eat regular meals
✔ Drink water (yes, it matters)
✔ Take breaks from people
✔ Lower expectations—especially of yourself
✔ Remember you’re allowed to rest
If the holidays bring up grief, loneliness, or depression, you don’t need to force positivity. Your feelings are valid.
Final Thought From a Therapist
You don’t need to fix your family, heal every wound, or feel magical this holiday season.
You just need to take care of your mental health—gently, imperfectly, and with compassion.
And if all you do this year is survive the holidays?
That still counts as thriving.
So… Thanksgiving Was a Disaster. Now What?
How to Repair Family Relationships After a Hard Holiday
If your Thanksgiving ended with slammed doors, awkward silence, someone crying in the bathroom, or a car ride home so tense you could chew the air… you’re not alone. The holidays have a magical way of bringing out the very best and very worst in all of us.
And if you’re waking up now thinking, “Okay… how do I fix things with my family after that trainwreck?” — take a breath. It’s repairable. Truly.
This post is your therapist-approved, real-talk guide to repairing family relationships after holiday conflict, rebuilding trust, and resetting emotional boundaries so the rest of the season isn’t one giant stress headache.
Why Thanksgiving Gets So Messy
Short answer? Because families are complex. Long answer? Because:
Old wounds get reopened
Everyone’s tired and overstimulated
Expectations are sky-high
Someone always brings up politics
Teens are trapped in rooms full of relatives
Adults revert to childhood roles
“Just be polite” is not an emotional regulation strategy
Throw in travel, social pressure, and weird casseroles, and honestly—conflict is almost guaranteed.
Understanding why helps you realize the blow-up wasn’t a moral failure. It was a pressure cooker.
Step 1: Don’t Rush the Repair (Give the Nervous System a Minute)
After conflict, people need space to de-escalate, regulate, and think clearly.
Trying to talk things out while emotions are still hot is like trying to fix a car while it’s on fire.
Let the dust settle before you:
text
call
apologize
demand answers
attempt emotional surgery
A regulated conversation goes a whole lot better than a panicked one.
Step 2: Lead With Curiosity, Not Accusations
When someone feels attacked, they shut down or fight back.
When someone feels heard, they soften.
Try opening the conversation with:
“Can we talk about what happened? I want to understand your side.”
“I care about you, and I don’t want that argument to define our holiday.”
“Can we hit reset?”
Curiosity invites connection. Accusations invite defensiveness.
Step 3: If You Messed Up, Own Your Part (Not Everyone’s)
Repairing family relationships after conflict doesn’t require a full confession monologue, just an honest acknowledgment.
Try something like:
“I’m sorry for the way I reacted.”
“I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”
“I was overwhelmed, and it came out sideways.”
What NOT to say:
“Sorry if you were offended.”
Translation: I didn’t do anything wrong; you’re just sensitive.
We’re not doing that.
Keep it simple, specific, and sincere.
Step 4: Rebuild the Bridge, Not the Entire City
One conversation won’t fix years of tricky dynamics.
Focus on repairing this moment, not rewriting the whole history of your family trauma.
Some helpful questions:
“How can we make sure next time goes more smoothly?”
“What would help you feel respected?”
“Here’s what I need to stay calm in future conversations—how does that sound?”
This isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress.
Step 5: Set Realistic Boundaries Before the Next Holiday Round
Boundaries are how we love people and ourselves at the same time.
Examples that actually work:
“I won’t participate in political debates at family gatherings.”
“If conversations get heated, I’m going to take a break instead of arguing.”
“I want to connect, but I need smaller groups or one-on-one time.”
Boundaries aren’t punishments. They’re instructions for how people can love you better.
Step 6: Offer a Repair Gesture (Yes, This Actually Helps)
You don’t always need a heavy, emotional talk. Sometimes a simple gesture can reset the energy.
Try:
sending a meme
dropping off coffee
inviting them on a walk
sharing a funny memory
sending a simple “Thinking of you today”
These tiny acts say:
“I still care. We’re still okay. We’re trying.”
Step 7: When the Relationship Is Really Strained… Go Slow
Not every family relationship bounces back quickly.
Some take time. Some need boundaries. Some need therapy. Some need distance.
But “slow” doesn’t mean “broken.”
It just means you’re human.
If things are complicated, try:
lower-stakes contact (text instead of a call)
shorter gatherings
meeting on neutral territory
involving a therapist for support
Repair doesn’t have to be immediate.
It just has to be intentional.
Step 8: If You’re Parenting Teens After a Rough Holiday—Check In Gently
Teens often look checked out, but they feel things deeply.
Try:
“Hey, Thanksgiving was rough. How are you feeling about it?”
“Did anything I did make things harder for you?”
“Is there anything you need from me next time we’re around family?”
Teens appreciate honesty. They respond to emotional clarity.
And they know when adults pretend nothing happened.
Step 9: Make a Plan for Next Time (Your Future Self Will Thank You)
Talk about what worked, what didn’t, and what to try differently.
Examples:
“Let’s drive two cars next time.”
“Let’s agree to step outside if things get tense.”
“Let’s make a code word when one of us needs support.”
Families don’t need perfection; they need intentionality.
Step 10: Be Kind to Yourself
Holiday conflict hits harder because we care so much.
Repairing relationships takes courage, vulnerability, and emotional effort.
But you’re doing it.
You’re trying.
You’re showing up.
That matters.
A messy Thanksgiving doesn’t define your family.
The repair does.
Final Thoughts: You Can Come Back From This
Repair isn’t about undoing the past.
It’s about choosing connection—imperfect, human connection—over silence or resentment.
Whether your Thanksgiving was a mild argument or full-blown meltdown, you can absolutely rebuild closeness, trust, and warmth with the people you care about.
And if you need support navigating the next holiday, tricky family patterns, or emotional boundaries, therapy can help you feel grounded and prepared instead of overwhelmed.
You deserve relationships that feel safe, respectful, and repairable.
How to Talk to Your Teen When the School Calls About Disrespect
A Therapist’s Guide to Calm, Connection, and Real Communication
Few things spike a parent’s anxiety quite like seeing the school’s number pop up on your phone. And when you hear the words, “Your child was disrespectful to a teacher,” your heart drops. You might feel embarrassed, frustrated, worried, or instantly ready to launch into Lecture Mode.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. As a therapist who works with adolescents and parents, I see this scenario all the time—and the truth is this: disrespectful behavior from teens is often communication, not character. And how you respond in the moment deeply affects your relationship, your teen’s emotional development, and how future school conflicts unfold.
Let’s walk through how to talk to your teen after a school behavior issue in a way that is calm, connected, emotionally healthy, and actually helpful.
Step 1: Regulate Yourself Before You Talk
When a school calls home, it’s normal to feel:
embarrassed
angry
anxious
confused
defensive
worried about “what this means”
But teens read tone, posture, and mood like emotional detectives. If you talk to them while you’re still worked up, they won’t hear your words—they’ll only feel your intensity.
Before checking in with your teen, do something to ground yourself:
Take slow breaths
Walk around the block
Remind yourself: “My kid is learning. This situation is fixable.”
Being the calm one doesn’t mean you accept disrespectful behavior—it means you’re modeling emotional regulation, which is a skill most teens don’t yet have.
Let me be real honest, as a therapist who works with teens, even I have had this phone call! It can be really hard at first but remember it might not be their fault.
Step 2: Lead With Curiosity, Not Judgment
When talking to teens about school problems, the first sentence is everything. It can open the door—or shut it completely.
Skip these:
“What were you thinking?”
“Why would you act like that?”
“Do you know how embarrassing this is?”
Those questions feel like accusations.
Try this instead:
“Hey, the school called. I want to hear what happened from your perspective.”
And then—pause.
Give them silence.
Let them breathe.
Curiosity lowers defensiveness and invites honest communication.
Step 3: Validate Their Feelings (Even if the Behavior Was Not OK)
Teens act disrespectfully for reasons like:
feeling embarrassed
feeling misunderstood
being overwhelmed
pressure from peers
conflict with a teacher
frustration or stress
impulsive reactions (hello, teenage brain development)
Validation doesn’t mean you agree. It means you’re acknowledging their emotional experience.
Try:
“It makes sense that you felt frustrated.”
“I can see why that would be upsetting.”
“That sounds embarrassing.”
The moment teens feel understood, their walls come down—and their capacity to take accountability goes up.
Step 4: Understand the “Why” Behind the Behavior
Behavior is communication. “Disrespect” is usually a symptom, not the root issue.
Ask gentle, open-ended questions:
“What was going on before things escalated?”
“Did something feel unfair or embarrassing?”
“What were you trying to express in that moment?”
“What do you wish the teacher had understood about you?”
These questions help your teen reflect instead of react. They also help you understand the deeper needs driving the behavior—which is crucial for long-term change.
Step 5: Guide Them Toward Accountability
Accountability isn’t about punishment. It's about teaching skills like emotional regulation, communication, and self-awareness.
Help your teen think through the situation:
“What part of this is yours to own?”
“What could you do differently next time?”
“How might you repair the situation?”
This keeps the conversation collaborative instead of adversarial.
Avoid punishment-heavy responses like grounding them from everything for a month. Consequences should be:
logical
related to the behavior
focused on learning, not shame
Step 6: Create a Repair Plan Together
A repair plan can include:
an apology email
a brief check-in with the teacher
a discussion about classroom expectations
practicing coping skills for frustration
reviewing communication strategies
Involving your child in the solution helps them feel empowered, not punished.
And yes—teachers are humans too. Sometimes miscommunication escalates situations on both sides. Helping your teen communicate respectfully is not the same as forcing them to “be wrong.”
Step 7: Look for Patterns, Not Just Incidents
One disrespectful moment is part of growing up.
But a pattern may signal something deeper:
anxiety
ADHD
sensory overwhelm
depression
social struggles
academic frustration
feeling misunderstood or unsupported
difficulty with authority or structure
Instead of panicking, get curious.
If disrespect keeps happening, consider looping in:
a school counselor
a therapist
a pediatrician
a learning specialist
You’re not looking to label your teen—you’re looking to support them.
Step 8: Talk About Respect in a Way That Actually Makes Sense to Teens
“Just be respectful” means nothing to most adolescents. They need specifics:
tone of voice
volume
eye contact
body language (eye rolls are basically teen punctuation)
when it’s appropriate to ask questions
when to request a break
Break it down into real, teachable behaviors.
Step 9: Reconnect at the End of the Conversation
Teens need reassurance more than they show. After discussing the situation, end with connection:
“I’m glad you talked to me about this.”
“I know today was stressful, and I’m here for you.”
“I love you, even on hard days.”
“We’ll figure this out together.”
This keeps your relationship stronger than the conflict.
Step 10: Remember—Your Teen Is Still Learning How to Be a Person
Teen brains are under construction. Impulse control, emotional regulation, and long-term thinking are still developing well into the mid-20s.
Disrespectful behavior doesn’t automatically mean:
your teen is “bad”
you’re a bad parent
the teacher is out to get them
this will follow them forever
It means they’re learning.
And you’re teaching—through your calm, curiosity, and connection.
Final Thoughts:
You are a family team
We have a rule in our home, “if I hear it from you before the school, you will probably get in way less trouble.” There is nothing worse than the surprise call and my kids know if I hear their side first, I’m more likely to have their back than if I just get a surprise call in the middle of my work day.
Your teen isn’t failing.
You’re not failing.
You’re both learning how to navigate adolescence—together.
Surviving the Holidays: A Therapist’s Light-Hearted Guide to Seeing Family Without Losing Your Mind
Ah, the holidays. A magical time filled with twinkle lights, warm drinks, cozy pajamas… and the annual emotional obstacle course known as seeing your family.
You love them. Truly. But you also know—without question—that the holidays can bring out everyone’s quirks, triggers, and unresolved family dynamics in record time. If you’ve ever walked through a front door and immediately felt yourself regress to your teenage self, you are not alone.
As a therapist, I can tell you:
Holiday stress is normal. Family overwhelm is normal. Wanting to hide in the bathroom with your phone is… also normal.
So before you pack your bags, emotionally armor up, and head into the festive chaos, let’s talk about how to prepare—not just to survive your family, but maybe (just maybe) to enjoy them, too.
1. Identify Your “Holiday Triggers” Before They Sneak Up on You
We all have them:
• The relative who comments on your body.
• The person who loves to debate politics at dinner.
• The sibling who thinks they’re the family comedian… at your expense.
• The parent who suddenly forgets you’re an adult.
Holiday anxiety often comes from being surprised by familiar patterns. So take two minutes to ask yourself:
“What situations stress me out every year, and why?”
Naming the stressors ahead of time helps you respond instead of react. That tiny bit of emotional clarity is the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling grounded.
2. Pack Your Boundaries Like You Pack Your Toothbrush
Boundaries are not mean. They’re not rude. They’re not dramatic.
Boundaries are simply instructions for how to treat you.
Think of them as the emotional equivalents of:
• “I’m allergic to peanuts.”
• “I don’t like horror movies.”
• “Please don’t hand me a crying baby.”
Your boundaries might look like:
“I’d rather not talk about my dating life.”
“Let’s skip political conversations this year.”
“I need a quick break to reset—be right back.”
“I can stay until 8, but then I’m heading out.”
You’re not telling people what to do. You’re telling them what you need.
That’s emotional self-care, not conflict.
3. Plan Your Escape: Breaks Are Not Only Allowed—They’re Healthy
You do not need to sit in a living room for seven consecutive hours to prove your love for anyone. You’re allowed to step away.
Try building in mini-breaks like:
• A quick walk around the block
• Running to the store for “one more thing”
• Hanging out with the family pet
• Offering to help in the kitchen (a surprisingly effective escape)
• Hiding in a bedroom for ten minutes to breathe like a real human
Your nervous system will thank you. Breaks allow you to reset your emotional regulation before you reach your limit.
4. Have Some “Safe Topics” Ready to Go
If your family tends to slide into stressful conversations, protect your peace by steering the ship early. Pre-load a few “safe, neutral, fun” topics that you can pull out anytime.
Examples:
“Who’s watched something good on Netflix lately?”
“What’s everyone doing in the new year?”
“Tell me the funniest thing that happened to you this week.”
“Who wants to play a game after dinner?”
“Who’s up for a walk?”
Think of these as conversational exit ramps—because holiday mental health sometimes means redirecting the chaos.
5. Accept That Your Family Has Not Changed Since Last Year (and That’s OK)
You’ve grown. You’ve healed. You’ve worked on yourself.
Your family? …Maybe not.
Holiday stress often comes from expecting people to suddenly be self-aware, emotionally mature, or conflict-free just because it’s December.
Creating realistic expectations gives you a huge advantage.
It frees you from disappointment and helps you stay grounded in your own emotional growth.
You’re not going home to change them.
You’re going home to navigate them—with your new tools, emotional insight, and self-respect.
6. Bring Joy With You—Don’t Wait for the Family Vibe to Create It
Holiday bonding doesn’t magically appear. You can build connection through small intentional choices:
Bring a board game or video game the whole family can play
Start a new tradition (cookie decorating, hot chocolate tasting, silly holiday movies)
Take candid photos together
Invite a relative on a short walk
Bring a playlist of your favorite calm or fun songs
Connection doesn’t need to be deep or emotional to be meaningful. It just needs to be real.
7. Use Humor as a Mental Health Strategy
Whether your family is delightful, dysfunctional, or a festive blend of both… humor is a powerful coping skill.
You can’t control anyone’s behavior, but you can control your interpretation of it. Light-hearted amusement keeps you from falling into old emotional patterns.
Ask yourself:
“Will this matter in three days, or is it just holiday nonsense?”
Because honestly—most of it is just holiday nonsense.
Let yourself laugh.
Your nervous system will feel lighter instantly.
8. Make a Post-Holiday Plan for Self-Care
No one returns from seeing family 100% emotionally untouched—and that’s fine. We’re humans with histories.
Support yourself by planning for the aftermath:
A therapy session
A day of rest
A cozy night alone
A walk with a friend
A break from socializing
Re-watching a comfort show
Preparing for the “emotional hangover” helps you move through it with compassion instead of confusion.
A Final Reminder From Your Therapist
If the holidays feel overwhelming, stressful, or complicated, that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. It means you are a human being with a human family.
Family gatherings touch on identity, childhood patterns, attachment wounds, and old roles we didn’t choose. Combine that with holiday pressure, sensory overload, and expectations of cheer, and of course it gets messy.
This year, give yourself permission to:
Have boundaries
Take breaks
Ask for what you need
Say no
Stay longer if you want
Leave early if you need
Protect your peace
Enjoy the parts that actually feel good
You deserve a holiday that is safe, manageable, and—yes—maybe even enjoyable.
And if all else fails, you can always hide in the bathroom and breathe.
We’ve all done it. I promise.
Video Games: A prescription for your family.
When families come into my office and tell me they’re struggling to connect—especially with their teens—they often assume the solution has to be something deep, heavy, or structured. But sometimes the best way to rebuild connection isn’t through long talks or perfect family dinners. Sometimes the answer is something much simpler:
Play together.
And for today’s families, one of the easiest, most accessible forms of play is video games.
Now, before you sigh, cringe, or imagine your teen glued to a screen ignoring you, hear me out. Video games can be a powerful way to create authentic connection, lower emotional defenses, and build a family culture of shared joy. They offer something that’s hard to get in our stress-heavy, over-scheduled lives: fun, teamwork, laughter, and moments where everyone gets to just be together without pressure.
Families often tell me they want bonding—just not awkward, forced bonding. Video games solve that problem beautifully. They give everyone a shared purpose, a shared environment, and yes, plenty of shared chaos. That combination builds connection in ways that feel natural instead of forced.
Today, I’m sharing the best video games for families to play together, and why each one supports emotional closeness, communication, and relational health.
But first, let’s talk about why gaming works so well for family relationships—even when it looks like “just screens.”
Why Video Games Actually Strengthen Family Bonds
If you were raised with the message that video games are isolating or bad for kids, this might feel surprising. But modern research—and decades of watching families in real life—says otherwise. Here’s why gaming actually helps families grow stronger:
1. Shared Play = Shared Connection
Humans bond through shared experiences, especially positive ones. When you play together, you build memories, inside jokes, and little moments of “us against the world.” These micro-memories add up and create relational glue.
2. It Lowers Emotional Defenses
Kids and teens often communicate best when the focus isn’t directly on them. Video games give families a way to talk, collaborate, and interact without the intensity of face-to-face conversations. It’s connection through parallel play—which is often exactly what young people need.
3. It Levels the Playing Field
Your child might beat you. They might teach you something. They might be the leader. That shift in power dynamics is incredibly validating for kids—especially those who feel unheard or misunderstood in daily life.
4. It Creates Emotional Regulation Practice
Games naturally offer moments of frustration, problem-solving, and teamwork. When parents model calm, humor, and resilience during those moments, kids learn emotional regulation in a context that feels safe and fun.
5. Most Importantly: It Creates Joy
Families need joy. Not just survival. Joy creates safety. Safety creates trust. Trust creates better communication—inside and outside the game.
With all that said, here are the best video games I recommend for real, meaningful family bonding.
1. “Overcooked! 2” — For Teamwork, Chaos, and Laughter
If you want a game that will have everyone yelling, laughing, and working together (sometimes badly, always hilariously), this is your game.
You run a kitchen together making dishes under pure chaos: floating platforms, kitchen fires, conveyor belts, collapsing floors. It’s absolutely ridiculous—and incredibly fun.
Why it builds bonding:
You have to communicate clearly
You have to rely on each other
Things will go wrong (this is good!)
Laughter breaks tension and creates emotional closeness
If your family tends to get stuck in patterns of frustration or conflict, this game is a playful way to practice handling stress together with humor instead of anger.
2. “Mario Kart 8 Deluxe” — For Light-Hearted Competition
Mario Kart is the perfect family game because everyone can play, even if they’re terrible. The items and boosts level the playing field, and honestly, half the fun is watching someone get launched off the track or mysteriously yeeted into last place.
Why it builds connection:
Great for quick, low-pressure sessions
Encourages playful competition
Easy for kids, nostalgic for adults
Creates silly, joyful shared memories
Tip: If competition gets too heated in your family, do team mode—parents vs. kids is always a hit.
3. “Minecraft” — For Creativity, Exploration, and Calm Connection
Minecraft is the perfect bonding game for families who don't want intense action but do want to build something together. Think of it like digital Legos… but with monsters, caves, villages, and endless creativity.
Why it builds connection:
Non-competitive, calming, and creative
Kids often become the “experts,” which builds confidence
Parallel play encourages quiet, comfortable interaction
Perfect for anxious kids and introverted teens
Some of the best conversations happen while building a virtual house or exploring a cave system—it's low pressure, natural, and bonding without forcing connection.
4. “Animal Crossing: New Horizons” — For Calm, Cozy Time Together
If your family needs something soothing instead of chaotic, Animal Crossing is basically therapy on a tropical island. You decorate your home, talk to sweet animal neighbors, catch bugs, fish, craft furniture, and visit each other’s islands.
Why it builds connection:
Peaceful and regulation-friendly
Encourages sharing and collaboration
Zero pressure, zero time limits
Perfect for mixed-age families
This is also great for families rebuilding connection after stressful periods—it's gentle, relaxing, and emotionally safe.
5. “It Takes Two” — For Deep Cooperation and Trust-Building
This game is stunning—not just visually, but emotionally. It requires two players to solve creative puzzles together. You literally cannot progress unless you cooperate.
Why it builds connection:
Forces teamwork in a playful, supportive way
Builds trust, patience, and collaboration
Great for parent-teen pairs
Funny, touching, and deeply creative
This game is incredible for rebuilding connection with a teen who has grown distant—it gives you shared accomplishments without forcing heavy conversation.
6. “Just Dance” — For Movement, Joy, and Emotional Release
If your family needs to burn off stress or shake off a bad day, Just Dance is the perfect antidote. It’s goofy, active, and impossible not to smile at.
Why it builds connection:
Releases stress through movement
Encourages silliness
Great for mood regulation
Helps families “reset” on tough days
Plus, watching each other dance is its own special bonding experience.
7. LEGO Games — For Cooperative Play With Zero Stress
LEGO video games (Star Wars, Marvel, Harry Potter, Jurassic World, etc.) are designed to be fun, easy, and forgiving. You solve puzzles, explore worlds, collect items, and laugh at the silly, charming cutscenes.
Why it builds connection:
Impossible to “fail”
Low frustration, high fun
Perfect for kids who get overwhelmed easily
Great for parents who want something simple and relaxing
These games turn teamwork into something light and enjoyable—not stressful.
How to Use Video Games Intentionally for Bonding
Here’s where the therapy part comes in. The game isn’t the intervention—it’s how you use it.
1. Keep the goal simple: enjoy each other
Say it out loud:
“This is just for fun. Nobody has to be good at it.”
Relieves pressure instantly.
2. Let kids lead
Let them teach you.
Let them pick the game.
Let them be the expert.
Kids feel powerful, capable, and valued.
3. Celebrate mistakes
Laugh at them.
Normalize them.
Use them as bonding moments, not failure moments.
This models emotional resilience.
4. End while it’s still fun
Don’t wait for someone to get cranky or overstimulated.
Especially with younger kids or neurodivergent kids, timing matters.
5. Use small moments to connect
After playing, ask things like:
“What was your favorite part?”
“What did we do well together?”
“What should we try next time?”
Light questions. No pressure. Just connection.
Final Thoughts: Play Is Not a Luxury — It’s a Bonding Tool
Families are overwhelmed, stretched thin, and often operating in survival mode. Video games may seem like “just entertainment,” but they can be a powerful, healing way to reconnect, laugh, and rebuild closeness.
Play creates safety.
Safety creates trust.
Trust creates connection.
Connection supports mental health—for everyone in the family.
So go ahead: pick up the controllers, embrace the chaos, and let yourselves have fun together.
Your family doesn’t need perfection.
You don’t need the right words.
You just need shared joy—and video games are a wonderful place to start.
How To Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Teen
It all begins with an idea.
By Carla Hilderbrand, LICSWA, SUDPT / Clinical Social Worker
The teen years can be some of the hardest — and also the most rewarding — for parents. It’s the stage when we can finally have real conversations and begin letting our kids make more of their own choices. But it’s also when they start pushing back, pulling away, and sometimes drifting from the dreams and goals we had for them.
As a therapist who works with teens and parents, I often hear one big question: “How can I stay connected to my teenager without constant conflict?”
The good news is that even when your teen acts like they don’t need you, they still deeply want your connection. The parent-teen relationship naturally changes during adolescence, but it doesn’t have to weaken. With a few intentional shifts, you can create a relationship built on trust, empathy, and open communication — one that lasts well beyond the teenage years.
1. Listen More Than You Lecture
If you take just one thing away from this article about how to connect with your teen, make it this: your teen needs you to listen, not lecture.
One of the biggest mistakes parents make (with the best intentions!) is trying to fix instead of understand. Teens shut down quickly when every talk feels like a critique or life lesson.
Remember, what we might see as “teen drama” is their real life. If they’re upset because a friend turned on them, it matters — and they need you to care about it too.
When your teen opens up, try reflecting what you hear instead of jumping into problem-solving. You might say:
“That sounds really hard. I’m sorry that happened.”
“I can totally see why you’d feel that way.”
“What do you think might help?”
These validating responses help your teen feel heard, respected, and safe — which builds trust and improves communication. Ironically, when they feel understood, they’re much more likely to listen to you later.
2. Respect Their Need for Independence
Your teen’s growing independence isn’t rebellion — it’s part of healthy development. The teenage years are when they start figuring out who they are and what they believe.
As parents, our role shifts from managing every detail to supporting their autonomy while still setting clear boundaries. Encourage decision-making, allow natural consequences, and show that you trust their ability to handle challenges.
Try saying things like:
“Honestly, this would be hard for me to manage as an adult. How can I support you in figuring it out?”
Respecting your teen’s independence sends the message, “I believe in you.” That belief helps strengthen your relationship and boosts their self-confidence.
3. Connect on Their Terms
When your kids were little, connection came naturally — bedtime stories, playgrounds, family movie nights. But as they grow into teenagers, connecting takes more intentional effort.
To improve your relationship with your teen, try meeting them where they are. You can’t always expect them to engage on your terms — instead, step into their world.
Play a video game with them.
Watch their favorite show (even if it’s not your thing).
Go for a drive or grab coffee together.
Let them talk about their interests — and actually listen.
Teens often open up when they’re doing something side-by-side, not sitting face-to-face. Even ten minutes of genuine, positive attention can make a big difference. What matters most is that your teen feels, “My parent enjoys being with me.”
4. Regulate Your Own Emotions
When your teen yells, shuts down, or acts defiant, it’s easy to take it personally. But your calm presence is one of the most powerful ways to support your teen’s emotional health.
Take a breath before reacting. If you need a minute, say so:
“I need to calm down before we keep talking about this.”
Modeling emotional regulation shows your teen how to manage their own feelings. And if you lose your temper, repair it afterward:
“I’m sorry I got upset earlier. That wasn’t fair to you. Can we try again?”
Repairing after conflict helps rebuild trust and reminds your teen that relationships can survive tough moments.
5. Set Boundaries with Empathy
Healthy boundaries aren’t punishments — they’re a form of love. Teens might push back, but consistent limits help them feel secure and cared for.
The key is empathy and collaboration. Explain the why behind your rules and include them in finding solutions.
Instead of:
“You’re not allowed to go out on school nights.”
Try:
“I’m worried about how you’ll get enough sleep when you’ve got practice, homework, and need to wake up early. How do you think that could work?”
When your teen feels included in decision-making, they’re more likely to respect the rules — and more likely to come to you when they make a mistake.
6. Focus on Connection Over Control
When things get tense, it’s easy to focus on control — who’s right, who’s in charge, who wins the argument. But control often comes at the expense of connection.
Before reacting, pause and ask yourself:
“Am I trying to control this situation, or connect with my teen?”
Choosing connection doesn’t mean being permissive. It means leading with empathy and keeping the relationship at the center of your parenting. Teens who feel connected to their parents are less likely to engage in risky behavior and more likely to communicate honestly.
7. Support Their Passions and Interests
One of the simplest ways to improve communication with your teen is to show real interest in what they care about. Whether it’s gaming, music, sports, art, or fashion — your curiosity tells them, “You matter to me.”
Let them take control of the car playlist (and don’t complain about their music). Ask them to teach you a game, or show you a project they’re proud of. You don’t need to understand every detail — your genuine interest is enough.
This kind of encouragement helps your teen build confidence and feel safe expressing who they are, both inside and outside your home.
8. Choose Your Battles
Not every disagreement needs to become a fight. Before you jump in, ask yourself:
Is this about safety or preference?
Will this matter in a year?
Am I reacting out of fear or what’s best for them?
Save your energy for what truly matters — safety, respect, and well-being. Letting go of smaller issues (like messy rooms or funky hairstyles) can reduce tension and keep your relationship strong.
9. Keep Showing Up, Even When They Push You Away
This one might be the hardest. Teens send mixed signals — they crave independence but still need emotional security. Even when they act like they don’t want you around, your consistency matters.
Keep showing up in small ways:
Send a “good luck” text before a test.
Leave a snack or note when they’re studying late.
Say goodnight, even if they barely acknowledge it.
These tiny gestures remind your teen that your love doesn’t disappear when things get tough.
10. Always Have Their Back
Your teen is going to make mistakes — it’s part of growing up. What matters is how you respond.
In my house, we have a rule: “If you tell me before I hear about it from someone else, I’ll be way less upset.” That doesn’t mean I’ll excuse bad choices, but it does mean I’ll listen first — and stand up for them when it’s fair.
And one more important piece: don’t gossip about your teen’s mistakes. When they hear you talking about them to other parents, it breaks trust. Protect their privacy when you can — it teaches them that your relationship is a safe place.
A Final Thought
The teenage years can test even the strongest parent-child relationship, but they also bring incredible opportunities for growth. The goal isn’t to avoid conflict or make your teen happy all the time — it’s to build a relationship based on trust, empathy, and respect.
When parents learn to listen with understanding, set boundaries with compassion, and show up with consistency, the connection doesn’t just survive — it thrives.
If you’re struggling to connect with your teen or find yourself in constant conflict, therapy can help. Family or parent-focused sessions can give you tools for communication, boundary-setting, and emotional balance — all within a safe, supportive environment.
You don’t have to navigate this season alone. Healing, growth, and stronger connection are always possible — for both you and your teen.
Carla Hilderbrand, LICSWA, SUDPT
Clinical Social Worker – Helping teens and parents build stronger, more connected relationships.