Is Attachment Therapy Right for You? A Guide for Individuals Seeking Real Emotional Change

If you’ve been thinking about starting therapy, you’ve probably asked yourself some version of:

• “What kind of therapy do I actually need?”

• “Why do I keep repeating the same relationship patterns?”

• “Why do I feel anxious, lonely, or disconnected even when things seem okay?”

If any of those questions sound familiar, attachment-focused therapy may be exactly the approach you’ve been looking for.

This post is for anyone considering therapy for themselves—especially if your main struggles show up in relationships, self-worth, or emotional regulation.

What Attachment Therapy Is (and Isn’t)

Attachment therapy isn’t a single technique. It’s a way of understanding you.

Instead of only focusing on symptoms like anxiety, depression, or conflict, attachment-focused therapy looks deeper and asks:

“How did you learn to connect, trust, and feel safe with others?”

It explores how early experiences shaped:

• How you handle closeness

• How you respond to stress

• How you react to rejection

• How you ask for support

• How you see yourself in relationships

The goal isn’t to blame your past—it’s to understand it so you can finally move beyond it.

Signs Attachment Issues Might Be Affecting You

Many people come to therapy thinking something is “wrong” with them, when really they’re dealing with old attachment wounds.

Attachment-focused therapy can be especially helpful if you notice patterns like:

• Feeling anxious or insecure in relationships

• Choosing emotionally unavailable partners

• Pushing people away when they get too close

• Fear of abandonment

• Difficulty trusting others

• Feeling “too much” or “not enough”

• Struggling to express needs

• Repeating the same conflicts over and over

If your challenges show up most clearly in how you connect with others, attachment therapy gets to the heart of the issue.

Why Traditional Therapy Sometimes Isn’t Enough

Many forms of therapy focus primarily on:

• Changing thoughts

• Managing symptoms

• Learning coping skills

Those approaches can be incredibly helpful—but for people with attachment-based struggles, they don’t always address the core problem.

You might learn to calm your anxiety, but still feel terrified of rejection.
You might communicate better, but still not feel safe being vulnerable.

Attachment therapy goes deeper. It focuses on healing the root of emotional patterns rather than just managing the surface.

What Happens in Attachment-Focused Therapy?

In attachment-based therapy, the relationship between you and your therapist becomes a safe place to practice new ways of relating.

Over time, therapy helps you:

• Understand your attachment style

• Recognize emotional triggers

• Notice patterns instead of repeating them

• Develop healthier ways to express needs

• Build trust and emotional safety

• Create stronger boundaries

The therapy room becomes a kind of “secure base” where you can explore feelings you may never have felt safe to explore before.

Who Benefits Most From Attachment Therapy?

Attachment-focused therapy can be especially powerful for individuals who:

• Struggle in romantic relationships

• Grew up with inconsistent or emotionally unavailable caregivers

• Experienced trauma or instability

• Identify as highly sensitive

• Feel chronically lonely or disconnected

• Have difficulty regulating emotions

• Want deeper, healthier connections

You don’t need a dramatic backstory to benefit. Even subtle early experiences can shape adult relationships in powerful ways.

Attachment Therapy Is Also LGBTQ+ and ENM Affirming

For many people in LGBTQ+ or ethically non-monogamous relationships, attachment challenges are often layered with additional experiences like:

• Family rejection

• Social stigma

• Minority stress

• Complex relationship structures

• Navigating jealousy and security

Attachment-focused therapy provides a compassionate, nonjudgmental framework to work through these unique experiences while honoring your identity and relationship style.

Healing Is Possible at Any Age

One of the biggest myths about attachment is that it’s “set in stone.”

It’s not.

Attachment styles are learned—and anything learned can be relearned.

Through therapy, people regularly discover they can:

• Feel safer being vulnerable

• Stop sabotaging relationships

• Communicate more confidently

• Reduce anxiety and shame

• Build the secure connections they’ve always wanted

You are not stuck with the patterns you developed to survive earlier chapters of your life.

How to Know If You’re Ready

You don’t need to have everything figured out before starting attachment-focused therapy.

You’re ready if you’re tired of:

• Feeling stuck in the same cycles

• Relationships that feel confusing or painful

• Emotional reactions you don’t understand

• Carrying old wounds into new situations

Therapy isn’t about becoming perfect.
It’s about becoming more secure, more connected, and more yourself.

What Working With Me Looks Like

In my practice, attachment-focused therapy is:

• Warm and collaborative

• Trauma-informed

• LGBTQ+ affirming

• Respectful of all relationship styles, including ENM

• Grounded in real-life, practical change

We don’t just talk about what’s wrong. We work together to help you build new emotional experiences that lead to lasting growth.

Taking the First Step

Reaching out for therapy can feel vulnerable—especially if trust and connection have been hard in the past.

But seeking support is one of the most powerful acts of self-care you can take.

If you’ve been feeling anxious, disconnected, or stuck in painful relationship patterns, attachment-focused therapy can help you understand why—and help you create something different.

Ready to Explore Attachment Therapy?

If you’re in Washington and interested in working on deeper emotional healing, I’d be happy to help you figure out whether attachment-focused therapy is a good fit.

Contact me today to schedule a consultation.

You deserve relationships—and a relationship with yourself—that feel safe, steady, and secure.

Attachment Theory and Teenagers: Why Your Teen Acts the Way They Do (and How to Help)

If you’re parenting a teenager, you’ve probably had at least one moment where you wondered:

• “Why are they pushing me away?”

• “Why do they seem so sensitive one minute and distant the next?”

• “Why do small conflicts turn into huge emotional storms?”

Welcome to adolescence—where hormones, identity, independence, and attachment all collide at once.

Understanding attachment theory can make the teenage years feel far less mysterious and far more manageable. It gives parents a roadmap for what their teen really needs, even when their behavior says the exact opposite.

Attachment Doesn’t End in Childhood

Many people assume attachment theory only applies to babies and young children.

But attachment needs don’t disappear at age 13.

In fact, adolescence is one of the most attachment-sensitive stages of life. Teens are trying to do two very complicated things at the same time:

• Pull away and become independent

• Stay emotionally connected and supported

That push–pull dynamic is at the heart of almost every teen–parent conflict.

The Teenage Attachment Paradox

Here’s the confusing part about teenagers:

They act like they don’t need you.
And they need you more than ever.

Attachment theory helps explain this paradox.

Developmentally, teens are wired to:

• Explore their identity

• Separate from parents

• Build independence

• Form stronger peer relationships

But emotionally, they still need a secure base—a reliable adult who is steady, safe, and available.

When that balance gets disrupted, behavior often takes over.

How Attachment Styles Show Up in Teens

Just like adults, teenagers have attachment styles that influence how they handle relationships, stress, and emotions.

Securely Attached Teens

Teens with secure attachment are more likely to:

• Talk to parents when they’re struggling

• Recover from setbacks more easily

• Manage conflict without exploding

• Have healthier friendships and dating relationships

They still argue and test limits—but they generally feel safe coming back to connection.

Anxiously Attached Teens

Anxious attachment in teens might look like:

• Constant need for reassurance

• Big emotional reactions to small issues

• Fear of rejection by friends

• Intense sensitivity to criticism

• Clinginess followed by anger

These teens often worry deeply about being abandoned—even if they’d never say it out loud.

Avoidantly Attached Teens

Avoidant attachment can show up as:

• Emotional shutdown

• “I don’t care” attitudes

• Avoiding family conversations

• Preferring to handle everything alone

• Withdrawing when upset

These teens often appear tough or distant, but underneath they may struggle to trust that anyone will really understand them.

Disorganized Attachment in Teens

Teens with more disorganized attachment histories may show:

• Intense mood swings

• Difficulty regulating emotions

• Confusing or unpredictable behavior

• Push–pull relationships with parents

These patterns are often linked to earlier trauma, instability, or inconsistent caregiving.

Behavior Is Communication

One of the most important ideas in attachment-focused parenting is this:

Teen behavior is almost always communication.

Eye-rolling, slamming doors, and “I hate you” moments are rarely about disrespect alone. They are often signs of:

• Feeling misunderstood

• Feeling overwhelmed

• Fear of not being good enough

• Not knowing how to ask for support

Attachment theory invites parents to look underneath the behavior instead of reacting only to the surface.

Why Teens Pull Away From Parents

From an attachment perspective, distancing from parents is actually a normal developmental task.

Teens need space to figure out:

• Who they are

• What they believe

• How to make decisions

• How to form relationships outside the family

But independence works best when it grows out of security—not emotional disconnection.

The goal isn’t to hold on tighter.
It’s to stay connected while giving room to grow.

The Role of Parents as a “Secure Base”

Even when teens act like they don’t want you around, they still rely on parents to be:

• Emotionally steady

• Predictable

• Available

• Calm in conflict

• A safe place to land

Attachment research shows that teens do better when they know:

“I can explore the world—and still come back to you.”

Common Attachment Triggers in Teen Years

Certain experiences are especially activating for the teenage attachment system, including:

• Friend drama

• Breakups

• Social rejection

• Academic pressure

• Family conflict

• Identity struggles

• LGBTQ+ coming out experiences

• Trauma or major life changes

When these happen, teens often don’t need lectures or consequences first—they need emotional safety.

How Attachment-Focused Parenting Helps

You don’t need to be a perfect parent to support secure attachment. You just need to be a “good enough” one.

Attachment-informed parenting means:

• Listening more than lecturing

• Staying calm when emotions are big

• Repairing after conflicts

• Taking feelings seriously

• Setting boundaries with empathy

It’s about sending one consistent message:

“I’m here. Even when things are hard.”

When Therapy Can Make a Difference

Sometimes teens (and parents) need extra support to strengthen attachment.

Attachment-focused therapy can help teens:

• Understand their emotions

• Improve communication skills

• Build healthier coping strategies

• Repair trust with parents

• Navigate anxiety, depression, or trauma

And it helps parents learn how to respond instead of react.

Family therapy, parent coaching, or individual teen therapy can all support healthier connection.

Signs Your Teen May Need Attachment-Focused Support

Consider seeking support if you notice:

• Constant conflict at home

• Emotional shutdown or withdrawal

• Extreme anxiety or irritability

• Difficulty maintaining friendships

• Big reactions to small disappointments

• Ongoing communication breakdowns

These are not signs of “bad parenting” or a “bad kid.”
They are signals that the attachment system needs care.

A More Compassionate Way to Understand Teens

Attachment theory helps parents shift from:

“Why are they doing this to me?”
to
“What are they trying to tell me?”

That shift alone can transform a relationship.

Support for Teens and Families

I work with teens and parents using attachment-focused approaches that help families:

• Communicate more effectively

• Reduce conflict

• Rebuild trust

• Strengthen emotional connection

• Navigate tough transitions

You don’t have to survive the teen years on your own.

Ready for More Support?

If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected from your teenager, therapy can help you find your way back to each other.

Even in the hardest seasons, stronger attachment is possible.

Contact me today to learn more about teen therapy, parent coaching, and family counseling.

Attachment Theory in Romantic Relationships: A Guide for Couples, LGBTQ+ Partners, and ENM Relationships

Romantic relationships are where our deepest hopes—and our biggest insecurities—tend to show up.

Whether you’re in a long-term marriage, a queer relationship, navigating polyamory, or just beginning to date, you’ve probably wondered at some point:

• “Why do we keep having the same fight?”

• “Why do I panic when my partner needs space?”

• “Why does intimacy feel easy for them and hard for me?”

• “Why does jealousy show up even when I don’t want it to?”

Attachment theory offers a powerful, compassionate way to understand all of this.

It explains not just what happens in relationships, but why it happens—and how couples of every orientation and structure can build stronger, more secure connections.

Attachment Theory: Your Relationship Blueprint

Attachment theory teaches that the way we learned to connect as children becomes the emotional template we carry into adult relationships.

That template influences:

• How safe we feel being close

• How we handle conflict

• How we respond to distance

• How much reassurance we need

• How we interpret love, rejection, and jealousy

This is true whether you are:

• In a heterosexual or LGBTQ+ relationship

• Married, dating, or partnered

• Monogamous or ethically non-monogamous

Attachment patterns are human patterns—and they show up everywhere people try to love each other.

The Four Attachment Styles in Real Relationships

Let’s look at how the main attachment styles tend to appear in day-to-day romantic life.

Secure Attachment

Securely attached partners usually:

• Feel comfortable with closeness and independence

• Communicate needs directly

• Recover from conflict more easily

• Trust their partner’s intentions

In LGBTQ+ and ENM relationships, secure attachment often looks like:

• Clear agreements

• Honest conversations about boundaries

• The ability to tolerate jealousy without acting on it

• Emotional flexibility

Secure attachment doesn’t mean “no problems.”
It means problems can be handled with safety and respect.

Anxious Attachment

Anxious attachment often shows up as:

• Worry about being abandoned

• Overthinking texts, tone, and behavior

• Needing frequent reassurance

• Fear of not being “enough”

In LGBTQ+ relationships, anxious attachment can be intensified by real experiences of rejection, discrimination, or family non-acceptance.

In ENM relationships, it might look like:

• Heightened jealousy

• Constant comparison to other partners

• Panic when schedules change

• Feeling insecure about where you “rank”

These reactions aren’t flaws—they are nervous systems trying to feel safe.

Avoidant Attachment

Avoidant attachment can look like:

• Discomfort with emotional intensity

• Pulling away during conflict

• Valuing independence over connection

• Difficulty expressing needs

In queer relationships, avoidant attachment sometimes develops from growing up in environments where emotional expression didn’t feel safe.

In ENM dynamics, avoidant attachment may appear as:

• Using “freedom” to avoid intimacy

• Keeping partners at emotional distance

• Struggling with transparency

• Resistance to reassurance or check-ins

Again—this isn’t about not caring.
It’s about having learned early on that closeness felt risky.

The Anxious–Avoidant Cycle

One of the most common relationship traps is the anxious–avoidant dynamic:

• One partner seeks reassurance

• The other feels overwhelmed

• Distance increases

• Anxiety increases

• Conflict escalates

This cycle happens in every kind of relationship:

• Married couples

• Queer partnerships

• Polycules and triads

• Long-distance relationships

Without understanding attachment, couples often blame each other instead of recognizing the pattern underneath.

Attachment in LGBTQ+ Relationships

For LGBTQ+ individuals, attachment patterns don’t exist in a vacuum.

They are shaped by:

• Coming out experiences

• Family acceptance or rejection

• Religious trauma

• Social stigma

• Chosen family dynamics

Many queer and trans clients carry attachment wounds that come from real cultural and relational experiences—not just childhood caregiving.

Attachment-informed therapy for LGBTQ+ couples recognizes both:

• Personal history

• Social context

Healing relationships means addressing both layers.

Attachment in Ethically Non-Monogamous Relationships

Attachment theory is especially important in ENM and polyamorous relationships.

Multiple partners, shifting schedules, and complex emotions can activate attachment systems quickly.

Common challenges include:

• Jealousy and comparison

• Fear of being replaced

• Struggles with boundaries

• Difficulty asking for reassurance

• Balancing autonomy with emotional security

Understanding attachment helps ENM partners ask better questions:

• “What do I need to feel safe?”

• “Is this jealousy—or insecurity?”

• “How can we create agreements that support my nervous system?”

Healthy non-monogamy isn’t just about good communication.
It’s about understanding how each partner experiences connection and security.

Attachment Styles Can Change

One of the most hopeful truths about attachment theory is this:

Attachment styles are not permanent.

With insight and support, people can learn to:

• Feel safer asking for what they need

• Tolerate conflict without shutting down

• Build trust after past hurts

• Respond instead of react

• Create more secure, resilient bonds

Therapy can help individuals and couples rewrite old emotional scripts.

How Attachment-Focused Therapy Helps Couples

In my work with couples—monogamous, LGBTQ+, and ENM—we use attachment theory to:

• Understand each partner’s emotional world

• Identify triggers without blame

• Slow down reactive cycles

• Build skills for repair and reassurance

• Strengthen emotional safety

Instead of arguing about surface issues, attachment therapy gets to the real question underneath:

“Do I matter to you—and am I safe with you?”

When couples can answer that with confidence, everything else becomes easier.

Signs Attachment May Be Affecting Your Relationship

You might benefit from attachment-focused therapy if you notice:

• Repeating the same arguments

• Fear of abandonment or rejection

• Emotional shutdown during conflict

• Intense jealousy or insecurity

• Struggles with trust

• Feeling lonely even when partnered

These are not signs of failure.
They are signs that your attachment systems need support.

A More Compassionate Way to Understand Love

Attachment theory changes the conversation from:

“What’s wrong with us?”
to
“What happened to us—and how can we heal?”

It gives couples a shared language instead of a shared enemy.

Support for All Relationship Structures

At [Practice Name], I provide attachment-focused therapy that is:

• Affirming to LGBTQ+ identities

• Knowledgeable about ENM and polyamory

• Trauma-informed

• Sex-positive

• Grounded in respect for diverse relationship models

Every relationship deserves a space where it can be understood without judgment.

Ready to Strengthen Your Connection?

Whether you’re a married couple, queer partners, or navigating the complexities of ethical non-monogamy, attachment-focused therapy can help you build deeper trust, clearer communication, and greater emotional security.

Love should feel grounding—not confusing.

If you’re ready for support, reach out today to schedule a consultation.

Understanding Attachment Theory: A Simple Guide to How Relationships Shape Us

Have you ever wondered why some relationships feel easy and secure, while others leave you anxious, distant, or stuck in the same painful patterns? The answer often lies in something called attachment theory—one of the most powerful ideas in modern psychology.

As therapists, we talk about attachment a lot. But for many people, it still sounds abstract or academic. This post will break it down in clear, practical language—and explain why understanding your attachment style can be a game-changer for your relationships, your mental health, and even the way you parent.

What Is Attachment Theory?

At its core, attachment theory explains how early relationships shape the way we connect with others throughout life.

The concept was first developed by psychologist John Bowlby and later expanded by Mary Ainsworth. Their research showed that the emotional bond between a child and their primary caregiver creates an internal “blueprint” for relationships.

That blueprint influences:

• How safe we feel depending on others

• How we respond to conflict

• How we handle closeness and distance

• How we interpret love, rejection, and trust

In other words, attachment theory helps explain why we love the way we do.

The Four Main Attachment Styles

Most people fall somewhere along a spectrum of four attachment styles. None of them are “good” or “bad”—they simply reflect early experiences and learned coping strategies.

1. Secure Attachment

People with a secure attachment style generally:

• Feel comfortable with intimacy

• Trust others relatively easily

• Communicate needs clearly

• Handle conflict in healthy ways

Secure attachment develops when caregivers are consistently responsive, emotionally available, and reliable.

This doesn’t mean life is perfect—it means relationships feel fundamentally safe.

2. Anxious Attachment

Anxiously attached individuals often:

• Worry about being abandoned

• Need frequent reassurance

• Feel highly sensitive to changes in relationships

• Fear rejection or disconnection

This style can develop when caregiving was loving but inconsistent—sometimes supportive, sometimes unavailable.

As adults, anxious attachment can show up as overthinking, people-pleasing, or clinging in relationships.

3. Avoidant Attachment

People with avoidant attachment may:

• Value independence above closeness

• Struggle to express emotions

• Pull away when relationships get intense

• Feel uncomfortable relying on others

This pattern often forms when caregivers were emotionally distant, dismissive, or unavailable.

Avoidant attachment isn’t about not wanting connection—it’s about learning early that connection wasn’t safe.

4. Disorganized Attachment

Disorganized attachment can occur when early relationships were frightening, chaotic, or unpredictable. Adults with this style may:

• Crave closeness but fear it at the same time

• Experience confusing or intense relationships

• Struggle with trust and emotional regulation

This attachment style is often connected to trauma or highly unstable early environments.

Why Attachment Theory Matters in Therapy

Attachment isn’t just about childhood—it shows up in adult life every day.

It affects:

• Romantic relationships

• Friendships

• Parenting

• Workplace dynamics

• Self-esteem

• Emotional regulation

Many people come to therapy feeling “stuck” in relationships without understanding why. Attachment theory offers a roadmap.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” attachment-informed therapy asks:

“What did I learn about relationships—and how can I learn something new?”

Attachment Styles Can Change

Here’s the good news: attachment styles are not permanent labels.

They are patterns—and patterns can be healed.

Through therapy, healthy relationships, and new experiences, it’s possible to:

• Build greater emotional security

• Improve communication

• Reduce anxiety in relationships

• Learn to trust more deeply

• Develop healthier boundaries

Many adults who grew up with insecure attachment go on to form secure, loving relationships later in life.

That’s one of the central goals of attachment-based therapy.

How Attachment Theory Guides My Work as a Therapist

As a therapist, I use attachment theory to help clients understand:

• Why they react strongly to certain triggers

• Why conflict feels overwhelming

• Why they repeat the same relationship cycles

• How early experiences still influence adult emotions

Whether I’m working with individuals, couples, teens, or families, attachment provides a compassionate framework for real change.

Instead of blaming yourself for struggles in relationships, attachment theory helps you see those struggles as understandable responses to earlier experiences.

And from that understanding, healing becomes possible.

Signs Attachment Issues May Be Affecting You

You might benefit from attachment-focused therapy if you notice patterns like:

• Feeling anxious or insecure in close relationships

• Struggling to trust partners or friends

• Pulling away when people get too close

• Repeating the same conflicts again and again

• Fear of abandonment

• Difficulty setting or respecting boundaries

These are not personal flaws—they are signals that your attachment system could use support.

Attachment-Focused Therapy Can Help

Therapy grounded in attachment theory focuses on:

• Building emotional awareness

• Learning new relationship skills

• Understanding triggers

• Healing past wounds

• Creating healthier, more secure connections

For couples, attachment-based therapy can transform conflict into understanding and rebuild emotional safety.

For parents, it can help break generational cycles and create stronger bonds with children.

For individuals, it can mean finally feeling at home in relationships instead of constantly on edge.

Ready to Understand Your Attachment Style?

If you’ve ever felt confused about your relationships or frustrated by repeating the same patterns, attachment-focused therapy can help you make sense of it all.

You don’t have to navigate these struggles alone.

Reaching out for support is the first step toward more secure, fulfilling relationships.

If you’re in Washington and interested in exploring how attachment therapy could help you or your family, I’d love to connect.

Take the Next Step

Contact me today to schedule a consultation and begin building healthier, more secure relationships—with others and with yourself.

Because everyone deserves to feel safe, understood, and connected.

Couples and Family Therapy for Navigating Different Political Views

Political differences are creating real strain in many couples and families right now.

If arguments escalate quickly, certain topics feel off-limits, or you’re noticing emotional distance with people you love, you’re not alone. Many couples and families are seeking therapy for political differences because today’s political climate has made disagreement feel deeply personal.

As a therapist, I work with couples and families who want to stay connected — even when they don’t share the same political views.

Why Political Differences Are Impacting Relationships So Deeply

Political beliefs are often connected to core values like safety, identity, fairness, and belonging. When someone close to us holds a different view, it can feel like rejection or betrayal rather than simple disagreement.

In couples and family therapy, common concerns include:

• Frequent arguments about politics

• Avoidance to prevent conflict

• Feeling unheard or dismissed

• Loss of trust or emotional safety

• Tension between parents and adult children

• Stress during holidays or family gatherings

These struggles aren’t really about politics — they’re about communication, boundaries, and emotional regulation.

Avoiding Political Topics Isn’t the Same as Resolving Conflict

Many families and couples cope by avoiding political conversations altogether. While avoidance can reduce conflict short-term, it often leads to:

• Emotional distance

• Resentment

• Feeling disconnected or unseen

• Explosive arguments later

Couples therapy and family therapy help address the underlying patterns so conflict doesn’t keep repeating.

How Couples and Family Therapy Helps With Political Conflict

Therapy does not aim to change anyone’s political beliefs.

Instead, therapy helps couples and families:

• Communicate without escalating

• Understand emotional triggers

• Set clear and respectful boundaries

• Learn how to disagree without damaging the relationship

• Repair after difficult conversations

• Decide which conversations are worth having

You don’t need political agreement to have a healthy relationship — you need skills, structure, and support.

What We Focus On in Therapy (Instead of Who’s Right)

In therapy for couples and families with different political views, the focus shifts from winning arguments to understanding impact.

We work on:

• Active listening and emotional validation

• Managing nervous system reactions during conflict

• Expressing values without shaming or attacking

• Creating agreements around boundaries and topics

• Rebuilding trust and emotional safety

This approach is especially helpful for:

• Long-term couples

• Co-parents

• Blended families

• Adult children and parents

• Families navigating generational differences

Struggling With Political Differences Doesn’t Mean Your Relationship Is Failing

Political conflict in relationships is incredibly common right now.

Seeking couples therapy for political differences or family therapy for political conflict doesn’t mean something is wrong with you — it means you care about the relationship enough to get support.

You are allowed to want connection and boundaries at the same time.

Therapy Can Help You Stay Connected Without Losing Yourself

If political differences are causing repeated arguments, avoidance, or emotional distance, therapy can offer a neutral space to slow things down and create new ways of relating.

I offer telehealth couples and family therapy for people who want:

• Healthier communication

• Less conflict and resentment

• Clear boundaries

• Emotional safety

• Tools for navigating hard conversations

You don’t have to agree politically to treat each other with respect and care.

Looking for Couples or Family Therapy Support?

I provide telehealth couples therapy and family therapy for clients navigating political differences, communication issues, and relationship stress.

10 Therapist-Approved Tips for Dealing With Political Stress in America Right Now

If you’ve been feeling more anxious, angry, exhausted, or emotionally numb, you’re not alone.

For many people, the current political climate in the United States is creating a near-constant state of stress. The nonstop news cycle, social media conflict, fear about the future, and political tension within families and workplaces can quietly overwhelm even people who don’t consider themselves “political.”

Political stress is real — and it directly impacts mental health.

As a therapist, I see how political anxiety, burnout, and nervous system overload are showing up in therapy rooms every day. Below are 10 practical, therapist-approved strategies to help you manage political stress, protect your mental health, and stay grounded during uncertain times.

1. Limit How Much News You Consume — and When

Staying informed does not require being plugged in 24/7.

Set specific times to check the news (once or twice daily is usually enough) and avoid news consumption first thing in the morning or right before bed. Constant exposure keeps your nervous system in a state of threat, even when there’s nothing actionable you can do.

Mental health tip: Boundaries with news intake are self-care, not avoidance.

2. Curate Your Social Media Intentionally

Social media algorithms are designed to amplify outrage — because outrage drives engagement.

Mute, unfollow, or take breaks from accounts that leave you feeling dysregulated, hopeless, or chronically angry, even if you agree with the content politically. You can stay informed without overwhelming your nervous system.

Ask yourself: Is this helping me stay grounded, or keeping me activated?

3. Notice How Political Stress Shows Up in Your Body

Political stress isn’t just cognitive — it’s physiological.

Common physical signs of political anxiety include:

• Tight shoulders or jaw

• Trouble sleeping or insomnia

• Racing thoughts

• Irritability or emotional numbness

• Digestive issues

When stress lives in the body, logic alone won’t resolve it. Somatic coping skills like gentle movement, grounding exercises, deep breathing, and sensory regulation are often more effective than debating facts.

4. Focus on What You Can Control (and Name What You Can’t)

A major driver of political stress is loss of control.

You cannot personally fix national or global systems overnight. What you can do:

• Vote and participate civically

• Set emotional and relational boundaries

• Support causes you care about

• Care for your mental health

• Show up ethically in your daily life

Letting go of responsibility for outcomes you cannot control is an act of psychological resilience.

5. Take Breaks From Political Conversations When Needed

You are allowed to step back.

This includes:

• Family group chats

• Workplace political discussions

• Friend conversations that escalate quickly

You do not owe anyone your emotional labor, explanations, or debate skills — especially when you’re already overwhelmed. Saying “I’m not up for this conversation right now” is a valid and healthy boundary.

6. Protect Relationships With Clear Boundaries

Political stress can strain relationships, especially when values clash.

You can care about someone and limit which topics are safe to discuss. Boundaries aren’t about punishment — they’re about preserving connection where possible.

Therapeutic reminder: Emotional safety matters more than being understood.

7. Channel Energy Into Meaningful Action (in Small Doses)

For some people, action reduces feelings of helplessness.

Healthy outlets for political stress may include:

• Volunteering locally

• Donating when financially possible

• Supporting mutual aid

• Engaging in advocacy at a sustainable level

The key is sustainable action, not burnout. Small, consistent engagement is more regulating than doing everything at once.

8. Stay Connected to Non-Political Parts of Life

When everything becomes political, the nervous system never gets a break.

Make intentional space for:

• Joy and humor

• Creativity

• Nature

• Relationships not centered on current events

These moments are not denial — they are essential for mental health resilience.

9. Watch for Signs You Need Extra Support

Political stress can intensify existing mental health concerns, including anxiety, depression, trauma responses, and relationship conflict.

You may benefit from professional support if you notice:

• Persistent anxiety or panic

• Hopelessness or emotional numbness

• Sleep disruption

• Increased conflict with loved ones

• Difficulty functioning day-to-day

Therapy can help you process political stress without minimizing it or becoming overwhelmed by it.

10. You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone

You are not weak for struggling with political stress.

You are human — living in a time of uncertainty, rapid change, and constant stimulation. Therapy doesn’t mean disengaging from the world; it means learning how to stay grounded within it.

Mental health support can help you:

• Regulate your nervous system

• Set healthier emotional boundaries

• Reduce anxiety and burnout

• Stay connected to your values without losing yourself

Looking for Support?

I offer telehealth therapy for individuals and couples navigating political stress, anxiety, burnout, and relationship strain.

Queer Couples Deserve a Therapist They Don’t Have to Explain Their Queerness To

Searching for the right therapist as a queer couple can be harder than it should be.

Many LGBTQIA+ couples come to therapy hoping to work on communication, intimacy, trust, or conflict — only to find themselves spending the first several sessions explaining their identities, their relationship structure, and their community.

If you’ve ever thought:

• “We’re educating our therapist more than getting help,” or

• “I’m not sure this therapist really understands queer relationships,”

you’re not alone.

Queer couples deserve affirming couples therapy with a therapist who already understands queer identities, non-traditional relationships, and the realities of LGBTQ relationships.

The Extra Labor Queer Couples Face in Therapy

For many queer couples, especially those who are trans, nonbinary, polyamorous, kinky, or in open relationships, therapy often includes hidden emotional labor:

• Explaining pronouns and gender identity

• Correcting heteronormative assumptions

• Defending polyamory or non-monogamy

• Clarifying that kink is not a mental health problem

• Managing microaggressions in session

This extra work can make therapy feel unsafe, slow, or even harmful.

You came for queer couples counseling — not to train your therapist.

Why Affirming Couples Therapy Matters

Working with an LGBTQ-affirming couples therapist changes everything.

When your therapist is queer-competent, kink-aware, and poly-friendly, you can:

• Focus on communication instead of explaining your identity

• Discuss jealousy without defending your relationship structure

• Talk about sex without being pathologized

• Address conflict without being misunderstood

• Bring your full relationship into the room

Affirming therapy allows you to work on what actually matters.

What to Look for in a Queer Couples Therapist

Not all couples therapists are trained to work with queer and non-traditional relationships. A truly affirming therapist should:

• Specialize in LGBTQ couples therapy

• Be experienced with polyamory and consensual non-monogamy

• Be kink-aware and sex-positive

• Understand minority stress and internalized stigma

• Use inclusive language and avoid assumptions

• Treat your relationship as valid and healthy

Affirmation is not a buzzword. It is a clinical skill.

Your Relationship Is Not the Problem

Queer couples often internalize the idea that their relationship is:

• Too complicated

• Too unconventional

• Too unstable

• Too hard to treat

In reality, your relationship is not broken because it is queer, poly, or kinky.

It is simply a relationship — with real stressors, real patterns, and real opportunities for growth.

And it deserves skilled, specialized care.

Telehealth Couples Therapy for Queer Relationships

Access to affirming care is still limited in many areas. That is why telehealth couples therapy can be so important for queer couples.

Through online therapy, you can work with a therapist who is:

• LGBTQIA+ affirming

• Polyamory and non-monogamy friendly

• Kink-aware and sex-positive

• Experienced with queer relationship dynamics

— even if those providers are not available locally.

You Deserve Therapy That Fits Your Relationship

Queer couples deserve therapy where:

• You don’t have to explain your queerness

• You don’t have to defend your relationship

• You don’t have to hide parts of yourselves

• You can focus on healing, growth, and connection

If you are looking for:

• Queer couples therapy

• LGBTQ couples counseling

• Poly friendly therapist

• Kink-aware couples therapist

• Telehealth couples therapy for queer relationships

—you deserve a therapist who already understands your world.

If you are a queer couple, polycule, or non-traditional partnership looking for affirming care, I offer telehealth couples therapy that is:

• LGBTQIA+ affirming
• Polyamory and non-monogamy friendly
• Kink-aware and sex-positive
• Trauma-informed and relationally focused

Telehealth available across Washington and Colorado

Yes, Your Relationship Counts: The Validity of Kink and Polyamorous Relationships

Let’s start with this:

If everyone involved is consenting, informed, and not being harmed, your relationship is not “wrong,” “broken,” or something that needs to be fixed.

That includes kink.
That includes polyamory.
That includes open relationships, swinging, BDSM, queer relationships, and everything else that falls outside the narrow box of what our culture calls “normal.”

As a therapist, I meet many clients who ask—sometimes nervously, sometimes jokingly:

• “Is this… okay?”

• “Is there something wrong with me for wanting this?”

• “Does this mean I’m avoidant / traumatized / commitment-phobic?”

Short answer: No.

Longer answer: Let’s talk about what actually matters in healthy relationships.

First: “Different” Does Not Mean “Disordered”

For a long time, psychology treated anything outside heterosexual monogamy as pathology.

That history includes:

• Homosexuality once being listed as a mental disorder

• Kink being automatically linked to trauma

• Non-monogamy being equated with attachment problems

Most of that has been formally rejected by modern psychology.

Today, major professional organizations agree:

Kink and consensual non-monogamy are not mental health disorders.
They are relationship styles and sexual interests.

They only become clinical concerns when:

• Consent is violated

• There is coercion or lack of choice

• There is deception that causes harm

• There is significant distress that the person wants help with

In other words:
The issue is not the structure of the relationship.
The issue is how it is practiced.

What Actually Predicts Relationship Health?

Across decades of research, the same factors matter in all relationships—monogamous or not:

• Consent – Are all parties choosing this freely?

• Communication – Can people talk openly about needs, limits, and fears?

• Boundaries – Are agreements clear and respected?

• Emotional safety – Can people express vulnerability without punishment?

• Repair – Can the relationship recover after mistakes or ruptures?

Notice what’s not on that list:

• Number of partners

• Type of sex

• Whether you own a blindfold

Healthy polyamory is healthier than unhealthy monogamy.
Healthy kink is healthier than silent, resentful vanilla sex.

Structure does not determine health.
Skills do.

Common Myths (That Therapy Does Not Support)

Let’s gently retire a few myths:

Myth 1: “People who want kink must be traumatized.”

Reality:
Some people with trauma are kinky.
Many kinky people are not traumatized.
Kink is not a trauma symptom by default.

Myth 2: “Poly people can’t commit.”

Reality:
Polyamory often requires more commitment, not less:

• More communication

• More emotional regulation

• More accountability

• More explicit agreements

Avoidance can exist in any relationship structure.

Myth 3: “Jealousy means poly isn’t for you.”

Reality:
Jealousy is a normal human emotion, not a diagnostic test.
The difference is whether you can work with it skillfully.

When Kink and Poly Do Become Therapy Topics

As a therapist, I don’t treat kink or poly as problems.

I treat:

• Boundary confusion

• Attachment injuries

• Poor communication

• Betrayal disguised as “non-monogamy”

• Coercion disguised as “open-mindedness”

• Unhealed jealousy, shame, or fear

Sometimes the relationship structure works beautifully.
Sometimes it’s being used to avoid intimacy, conflict, or responsibility.

And sometimes the work is simply helping people ask:

“Is this actually working for me?”

Not:

• “Is this normal?”

• “Is this allowed?”

• “Will my therapist judge me?”

What Affirming Therapy Looks Like

In affirming, competent therapy:

• You do not have to defend your relationship style

• You do not have to educate your therapist

• You are not pathologized for consensual choices

• We focus on:

  • Communication

  • Consent

  • Boundaries

  • Attachment patterns

  • Emotional safety

We treat kink and poly as contexts, not diagnoses.

A Final Word

Healthy relationships are not defined by:

• Monogamy

• Marriage

• Tradition

• Appearances

They are defined by:

Choice, honesty, care, and repair.

If your relationship is consensual, thoughtful, and aligned with your values, it is valid.

You are not broken.
You are not disordered.
You are not “too much.”

You are a human being figuring out how to love and be loved.

And that work is always worthy of respect.

You Survived the Holidays. So… Now What?

First of all: congratulations.
You survived the holidays.

If you’re like many people in Seattle, you made it through family gatherings, complicated relationships, emotional landmines, and at least one moment where you seriously considered disappearing into the rain with a coffee and no plans.

That takes resilience.

So why, now that the holidays are over, do so many people feel anxious, exhausted, or emotionally off?

Post-Holiday Stress Is Real (Especially in January)

As a Seattle therapist, I see this every year. After weeks of heightened family dynamics, social pressure, disrupted routines, and emotional labor, your nervous system doesn’t magically reset just because the calendar changes.

Common post-holiday mental health concerns include:

• Increased anxiety or overwhelm

• Emotional burnout

• Low motivation or irritability

• Relationship stress resurfacing

• A vague sense of “now what?”

This doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means your body and brain are coming out of survival mode.

Feeling Flat Doesn’t Mean Something Is Wrong

The holidays create structure — even stressful structure. Once it’s gone, many people experience an emotional letdown.

No events to prepare for.
No scripts to follow.
No forced cheer.

Your nervous system notices the shift.

That’s not a crisis. That’s a transition — and transitions are one of the most common reasons people seek therapy in Seattle this time of year.

Let’s Name What You Actually Did Well

From a therapist’s perspective, here’s what I see:

• You navigated difficult family dynamics

• You managed relationship stress

• You coped with emotional triggers

• You showed up when it mattered

That’s emotional resilience — even if it didn’t feel graceful.

January Is for Nervous System Recovery (Not Reinvention)

In therapy, we often talk about repair after stress. January isn’t about becoming a new person. It’s about helping your system settle.

Helpful post-holiday mental health practices include:

• Rebuilding routines (sleep, meals, movement)

• Lowering expectations

• Noticing what the holidays brought up emotionally

• Getting support instead of pushing through

If anxiety, burnout, or relationship stress feels harder to manage right now, therapy can help — especially before things escalate.

If Family or Relationship Stuff Got Activated, That’s Normal

Holiday time has a way of reopening old wounds:

• Family-of-origin stress

• Relationship patterns

• Boundary challenges

• Grief or unresolved loss

If you’re thinking, “I thought I was past this,” you didn’t fail.

It just means something important is ready for attention now.

So… Now What?

Now is actually a great time to:

• Start therapy from a place of reflection rather than crisis

• Work on anxiety, stress, or burnout

• Address relationship patterns that surfaced

• Build healthier boundaries moving forward

Many clients start individual therapy in Seattle in January because things finally slow down enough to focus inward.

A Final Note From a Seattle Therapist

You don’t need to turn surviving the holidays into instant personal growth.

But if you’re feeling anxious, disconnected, emotionally exhausted, or stuck, therapy can help you process what came up — and help you move forward with more clarity and ease.

You survived the holidays.
Now you get to focus on yourself.

How to Survive (and Maybe Even Thrive) During the Holidays

The holidays are supposed to be joyful. Sparkly. Cozy. Full of meaningful connection.

And yet… somehow they also involve family arguments, awkward conversations, emotional landmines, and at least one moment where you seriously consider hiding in the bathroom with your phone.

If the holidays increase your stress, anxiety, or emotional exhaustion, congratulations—you’re having a very normal human response to a very intense season.

As a therapist, I can confidently say: you’re not broken, and you’re definitely not alone.

Holiday Stress Is Not a Personal Failure

The holidays combine:

• Unresolved family dynamics

• Unrealistic expectations

• Packed schedules and social obligations

• Financial stress

• Pressure to “be happy”

That’s not festive. That’s a nervous system workout.

If you notice more anxiety, irritability, overwhelm, or sadness during the holidays, it doesn’t mean your mental health is declining. It means your system is responding to stress—exactly as it’s designed to.

A Quick Therapy Reality Check

Let’s normalize a few things therapists talk about all the time:

• You can love your family and need space from them

• You can feel gratitude and grief at the same time

• You can enjoy parts of the holidays without enjoying all of it

Two things can be true. That’s basic emotional health.

Boundaries Are the Best Holiday Self-Care

You are not required to:

• Answer invasive questions about your dating life

• Explain your mental health to relatives who won’t listen

• Mediate family conflict

• Stay longer than your emotional capacity allows

Setting healthy boundaries is not rude—it’s a core mental health skill.

Helpful phrases:

• “I’m not discussing that today.”

• “I need to step outside for a bit.”

• “We’re leaving earlier than planned.”

No explanation required. Therapy-approved.

If You’re Triggered, You’re Not Ruining the Holidays

Feeling triggered during the holidays doesn’t mean you’re dramatic or difficult. It usually means old patterns, trauma, or attachment wounds are getting activated.

Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” try:

• “What does this remind me of?”

• “What do I need to feel safe right now?”

Sometimes the healthiest choice is taking a break, going for a walk, or leaving early—without guilt.

Thriving Doesn’t Mean Loving Every Minute

Thriving during the holidays doesn’t look like constant joy.

Sometimes it looks like:

• Practicing holiday self-care

• Skipping events that drain you

• Eating food you actually enjoy

• Scheduling therapy after family time

• Letting “good enough” be enough

That’s not avoidance. That’s emotional regulation.

A Therapist’s Holiday Mental Health Checklist

✔ Get as much sleep as you can
✔ Eat regular meals
✔ Drink water (yes, it matters)
✔ Take breaks from people
✔ Lower expectations—especially of yourself
✔ Remember you’re allowed to rest

If the holidays bring up grief, loneliness, or depression, you don’t need to force positivity. Your feelings are valid.

Final Thought From a Therapist

You don’t need to fix your family, heal every wound, or feel magical this holiday season.

You just need to take care of your mental health—gently, imperfectly, and with compassion.

And if all you do this year is survive the holidays?
That still counts as thriving.

So… Thanksgiving Was a Disaster. Now What?

How to Repair Family Relationships After a Hard Holiday

If your Thanksgiving ended with slammed doors, awkward silence, someone crying in the bathroom, or a car ride home so tense you could chew the air… you’re not alone. The holidays have a magical way of bringing out the very best and very worst in all of us.

And if you’re waking up now thinking, “Okay… how do I fix things with my family after that trainwreck?” — take a breath. It’s repairable. Truly.

This post is your therapist-approved, real-talk guide to repairing family relationships after holiday conflict, rebuilding trust, and resetting emotional boundaries so the rest of the season isn’t one giant stress headache.

Why Thanksgiving Gets So Messy

Short answer? Because families are complex. Long answer? Because:

• Old wounds get reopened

• Everyone’s tired and overstimulated

• Expectations are sky-high

• Someone always brings up politics

• Teens are trapped in rooms full of relatives

• Adults revert to childhood roles

• “Just be polite” is not an emotional regulation strategy

Throw in travel, social pressure, and weird casseroles, and honestly—conflict is almost guaranteed.

Understanding why helps you realize the blow-up wasn’t a moral failure. It was a pressure cooker.

Step 1: Don’t Rush the Repair (Give the Nervous System a Minute)

After conflict, people need space to de-escalate, regulate, and think clearly.
Trying to talk things out while emotions are still hot is like trying to fix a car while it’s on fire.

Let the dust settle before you:

• text

• call

• apologize

• demand answers

• attempt emotional surgery

A regulated conversation goes a whole lot better than a panicked one.

Step 2: Lead With Curiosity, Not Accusations

When someone feels attacked, they shut down or fight back.
When someone feels heard, they soften.

Try opening the conversation with:

• “Can we talk about what happened? I want to understand your side.”

• “I care about you, and I don’t want that argument to define our holiday.”

• “Can we hit reset?”

Curiosity invites connection. Accusations invite defensiveness.

Step 3: If You Messed Up, Own Your Part (Not Everyone’s)

Repairing family relationships after conflict doesn’t require a full confession monologue, just an honest acknowledgment.

Try something like:

• “I’m sorry for the way I reacted.”

• “I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”

• “I was overwhelmed, and it came out sideways.”

What NOT to say:
“Sorry if you were offended.”
Translation: I didn’t do anything wrong; you’re just sensitive.

We’re not doing that.

Keep it simple, specific, and sincere.

Step 4: Rebuild the Bridge, Not the Entire City

One conversation won’t fix years of tricky dynamics.
Focus on repairing this moment, not rewriting the whole history of your family trauma.

Some helpful questions:

• “How can we make sure next time goes more smoothly?”

• “What would help you feel respected?”

• “Here’s what I need to stay calm in future conversations—how does that sound?”

This isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress.

Step 5: Set Realistic Boundaries Before the Next Holiday Round

Boundaries are how we love people and ourselves at the same time.

Examples that actually work:

• “I won’t participate in political debates at family gatherings.”

• “If conversations get heated, I’m going to take a break instead of arguing.”

• “I want to connect, but I need smaller groups or one-on-one time.”

Boundaries aren’t punishments. They’re instructions for how people can love you better.

Step 6: Offer a Repair Gesture (Yes, This Actually Helps)

You don’t always need a heavy, emotional talk. Sometimes a simple gesture can reset the energy.

Try:

• sending a meme

• dropping off coffee

• inviting them on a walk

• sharing a funny memory

• sending a simple “Thinking of you today”

These tiny acts say:
“I still care. We’re still okay. We’re trying.”

Step 7: When the Relationship Is Really Strained… Go Slow

Not every family relationship bounces back quickly.
Some take time. Some need boundaries. Some need therapy. Some need distance.

But “slow” doesn’t mean “broken.”
It just means you’re human.

If things are complicated, try:

• lower-stakes contact (text instead of a call)

• shorter gatherings

• meeting on neutral territory

• involving a therapist for support

Repair doesn’t have to be immediate.
It just has to be intentional.

Step 8: If You’re Parenting Teens After a Rough Holiday—Check In Gently

Teens often look checked out, but they feel things deeply.

Try:

“Hey, Thanksgiving was rough. How are you feeling about it?”
“Did anything I did make things harder for you?”
“Is there anything you need from me next time we’re around family?”

Teens appreciate honesty. They respond to emotional clarity.
And they know when adults pretend nothing happened.

Step 9: Make a Plan for Next Time (Your Future Self Will Thank You)

Talk about what worked, what didn’t, and what to try differently.

Examples:

• “Let’s drive two cars next time.”

• “Let’s agree to step outside if things get tense.”

• “Let’s make a code word when one of us needs support.”

Families don’t need perfection; they need intentionality.

Step 10: Be Kind to Yourself

Holiday conflict hits harder because we care so much.
Repairing relationships takes courage, vulnerability, and emotional effort.

But you’re doing it.
You’re trying.
You’re showing up.

That matters.

A messy Thanksgiving doesn’t define your family.
The repair does.

Final Thoughts: You Can Come Back From This

Repair isn’t about undoing the past.
It’s about choosing connection—imperfect, human connection—over silence or resentment.

Whether your Thanksgiving was a mild argument or full-blown meltdown, you can absolutely rebuild closeness, trust, and warmth with the people you care about.

And if you need support navigating the next holiday, tricky family patterns, or emotional boundaries, therapy can help you feel grounded and prepared instead of overwhelmed.

You deserve relationships that feel safe, respectful, and repairable.

How to Talk to Your Teen When the School Calls About Disrespect

A Therapist’s Guide to Calm, Connection, and Real Communication

Few things spike a parent’s anxiety quite like seeing the school’s number pop up on your phone. And when you hear the words, “Your child was disrespectful to a teacher,” your heart drops. You might feel embarrassed, frustrated, worried, or instantly ready to launch into Lecture Mode.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. As a therapist who works with adolescents and parents, I see this scenario all the time—and the truth is this: disrespectful behavior from teens is often communication, not character. And how you respond in the moment deeply affects your relationship, your teen’s emotional development, and how future school conflicts unfold.

Let’s walk through how to talk to your teen after a school behavior issue in a way that is calm, connected, emotionally healthy, and actually helpful.

Step 1: Regulate Yourself Before You Talk

When a school calls home, it’s normal to feel:

• embarrassed

• angry

• anxious

• confused

• defensive

• worried about “what this means”

But teens read tone, posture, and mood like emotional detectives. If you talk to them while you’re still worked up, they won’t hear your words—they’ll only feel your intensity.

Before checking in with your teen, do something to ground yourself:

• Take slow breaths

• Walk around the block

• Remind yourself: “My kid is learning. This situation is fixable.”

Being the calm one doesn’t mean you accept disrespectful behavior—it means you’re modeling emotional regulation, which is a skill most teens don’t yet have.

Let me be real honest, as a therapist who works with teens, even I have had this phone call! It can be really hard at first but remember it might not be their fault.

Step 2: Lead With Curiosity, Not Judgment

When talking to teens about school problems, the first sentence is everything. It can open the door—or shut it completely.

Skip these:

• “What were you thinking?”

• “Why would you act like that?”

• “Do you know how embarrassing this is?”

Those questions feel like accusations.

Try this instead:

“Hey, the school called. I want to hear what happened from your perspective.”

And then—pause.
Give them silence.
Let them breathe.

Curiosity lowers defensiveness and invites honest communication.

Step 3: Validate Their Feelings (Even if the Behavior Was Not OK)

Teens act disrespectfully for reasons like:

• feeling embarrassed

• feeling misunderstood

• being overwhelmed

• pressure from peers

• conflict with a teacher

• frustration or stress

• impulsive reactions (hello, teenage brain development)

Validation doesn’t mean you agree. It means you’re acknowledging their emotional experience.

Try:

• “It makes sense that you felt frustrated.”

• “I can see why that would be upsetting.”

• “That sounds embarrassing.”

The moment teens feel understood, their walls come down—and their capacity to take accountability goes up.

Step 4: Understand the “Why” Behind the Behavior

Behavior is communication. “Disrespect” is usually a symptom, not the root issue.

Ask gentle, open-ended questions:

• “What was going on before things escalated?”

• “Did something feel unfair or embarrassing?”

• “What were you trying to express in that moment?”

• “What do you wish the teacher had understood about you?”

These questions help your teen reflect instead of react. They also help you understand the deeper needs driving the behavior—which is crucial for long-term change.

Step 5: Guide Them Toward Accountability

Accountability isn’t about punishment. It's about teaching skills like emotional regulation, communication, and self-awareness.

Help your teen think through the situation:

• “What part of this is yours to own?”

• “What could you do differently next time?”

• “How might you repair the situation?”

This keeps the conversation collaborative instead of adversarial.

Avoid punishment-heavy responses like grounding them from everything for a month. Consequences should be:

• logical

• related to the behavior

• focused on learning, not shame

Step 6: Create a Repair Plan Together

A repair plan can include:

• an apology email

• a brief check-in with the teacher

• a discussion about classroom expectations

• practicing coping skills for frustration

• reviewing communication strategies

Involving your child in the solution helps them feel empowered, not punished.

And yes—teachers are humans too. Sometimes miscommunication escalates situations on both sides. Helping your teen communicate respectfully is not the same as forcing them to “be wrong.”

Step 7: Look for Patterns, Not Just Incidents

One disrespectful moment is part of growing up.
But a pattern may signal something deeper:

• anxiety

• ADHD

• sensory overwhelm

• depression

• social struggles

• academic frustration

• feeling misunderstood or unsupported

• difficulty with authority or structure

Instead of panicking, get curious.

If disrespect keeps happening, consider looping in:

• a school counselor

• a therapist

• a pediatrician

• a learning specialist

You’re not looking to label your teen—you’re looking to support them.

Step 8: Talk About Respect in a Way That Actually Makes Sense to Teens

“Just be respectful” means nothing to most adolescents. They need specifics:

• tone of voice

• volume

• eye contact

• body language (eye rolls are basically teen punctuation)

• when it’s appropriate to ask questions

• when to request a break

Break it down into real, teachable behaviors.

Step 9: Reconnect at the End of the Conversation

Teens need reassurance more than they show. After discussing the situation, end with connection:

• “I’m glad you talked to me about this.”

• “I know today was stressful, and I’m here for you.”

• “I love you, even on hard days.”

• “We’ll figure this out together.”

This keeps your relationship stronger than the conflict.

Step 10: Remember—Your Teen Is Still Learning How to Be a Person

Teen brains are under construction. Impulse control, emotional regulation, and long-term thinking are still developing well into the mid-20s.

Disrespectful behavior doesn’t automatically mean:

• your teen is “bad”

• you’re a bad parent

• the teacher is out to get them

• this will follow them forever

It means they’re learning.
And you’re teaching—through your calm, curiosity, and connection.

Final Thoughts:

You are a family team

We have a rule in our home, “if I hear it from you before the school, you will probably get in way less trouble.” There is nothing worse than the surprise call and my kids know if I hear their side first, I’m more likely to have their back than if I just get a surprise call in the middle of my work day.

Your teen isn’t failing.
You’re not failing.
You’re both learning how to navigate adolescence—together.

Surviving the Holidays: A Therapist’s Light-Hearted Guide to Seeing Family Without Losing Your Mind

Ah, the holidays. A magical time filled with twinkle lights, warm drinks, cozy pajamas… and the annual emotional obstacle course known as seeing your family.

You love them. Truly. But you also know—without question—that the holidays can bring out everyone’s quirks, triggers, and unresolved family dynamics in record time. If you’ve ever walked through a front door and immediately felt yourself regress to your teenage self, you are not alone.

As a therapist, I can tell you:
Holiday stress is normal. Family overwhelm is normal. Wanting to hide in the bathroom with your phone is… also normal.

So before you pack your bags, emotionally armor up, and head into the festive chaos, let’s talk about how to prepare—not just to survive your family, but maybe (just maybe) to enjoy them, too.

1. Identify Your “Holiday Triggers” Before They Sneak Up on You

We all have them:
• The relative who comments on your body.
• The person who loves to debate politics at dinner.
• The sibling who thinks they’re the family comedian… at your expense.
• The parent who suddenly forgets you’re an adult.

Holiday anxiety often comes from being surprised by familiar patterns. So take two minutes to ask yourself:
“What situations stress me out every year, and why?”

Naming the stressors ahead of time helps you respond instead of react. That tiny bit of emotional clarity is the difference between feeling overwhelmed and feeling grounded.

2. Pack Your Boundaries Like You Pack Your Toothbrush

Boundaries are not mean. They’re not rude. They’re not dramatic.
Boundaries are simply instructions for how to treat you.

Think of them as the emotional equivalents of:
• “I’m allergic to peanuts.”
• “I don’t like horror movies.”
• “Please don’t hand me a crying baby.”

Your boundaries might look like:

• “I’d rather not talk about my dating life.”

• “Let’s skip political conversations this year.”

• “I need a quick break to reset—be right back.”

• “I can stay until 8, but then I’m heading out.”

You’re not telling people what to do. You’re telling them what you need.

That’s emotional self-care, not conflict.

3. Plan Your Escape: Breaks Are Not Only Allowed—They’re Healthy

You do not need to sit in a living room for seven consecutive hours to prove your love for anyone. You’re allowed to step away.

Try building in mini-breaks like:
• A quick walk around the block
• Running to the store for “one more thing”
• Hanging out with the family pet
• Offering to help in the kitchen (a surprisingly effective escape)
• Hiding in a bedroom for ten minutes to breathe like a real human

Your nervous system will thank you. Breaks allow you to reset your emotional regulation before you reach your limit.

4. Have Some “Safe Topics” Ready to Go

If your family tends to slide into stressful conversations, protect your peace by steering the ship early. Pre-load a few “safe, neutral, fun” topics that you can pull out anytime.

Examples:

• “Who’s watched something good on Netflix lately?”

• “What’s everyone doing in the new year?”

• “Tell me the funniest thing that happened to you this week.”

• “Who wants to play a game after dinner?”

• “Who’s up for a walk?”

Think of these as conversational exit ramps—because holiday mental health sometimes means redirecting the chaos.

5. Accept That Your Family Has Not Changed Since Last Year (and That’s OK)

You’ve grown. You’ve healed. You’ve worked on yourself.
Your family? …Maybe not.

Holiday stress often comes from expecting people to suddenly be self-aware, emotionally mature, or conflict-free just because it’s December.

Creating realistic expectations gives you a huge advantage.
It frees you from disappointment and helps you stay grounded in your own emotional growth.

You’re not going home to change them.
You’re going home to navigate them—with your new tools, emotional insight, and self-respect.

6. Bring Joy With You—Don’t Wait for the Family Vibe to Create It

Holiday bonding doesn’t magically appear. You can build connection through small intentional choices:

• Bring a board game or video game the whole family can play

• Start a new tradition (cookie decorating, hot chocolate tasting, silly holiday movies)

• Take candid photos together

• Invite a relative on a short walk

• Bring a playlist of your favorite calm or fun songs

Connection doesn’t need to be deep or emotional to be meaningful. It just needs to be real.

7. Use Humor as a Mental Health Strategy

Whether your family is delightful, dysfunctional, or a festive blend of both… humor is a powerful coping skill.

You can’t control anyone’s behavior, but you can control your interpretation of it. Light-hearted amusement keeps you from falling into old emotional patterns.

Ask yourself:
“Will this matter in three days, or is it just holiday nonsense?”
Because honestly—most of it is just holiday nonsense.

Let yourself laugh.
Your nervous system will feel lighter instantly.

8. Make a Post-Holiday Plan for Self-Care

No one returns from seeing family 100% emotionally untouched—and that’s fine. We’re humans with histories.

Support yourself by planning for the aftermath:

• A therapy session

• A day of rest

• A cozy night alone

• A walk with a friend

• A break from socializing

• Re-watching a comfort show

Preparing for the “emotional hangover” helps you move through it with compassion instead of confusion.

A Final Reminder From Your Therapist

If the holidays feel overwhelming, stressful, or complicated, that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. It means you are a human being with a human family.

Family gatherings touch on identity, childhood patterns, attachment wounds, and old roles we didn’t choose. Combine that with holiday pressure, sensory overload, and expectations of cheer, and of course it gets messy.

This year, give yourself permission to:

• Have boundaries

• Take breaks

• Ask for what you need

• Say no

• Stay longer if you want

• Leave early if you need

• Protect your peace

• Enjoy the parts that actually feel good

You deserve a holiday that is safe, manageable, and—yes—maybe even enjoyable.

And if all else fails, you can always hide in the bathroom and breathe.
We’ve all done it. I promise.

Video Games: A prescription for your family.

When families come into my office and tell me they’re struggling to connect—especially with their teens—they often assume the solution has to be something deep, heavy, or structured. But sometimes the best way to rebuild connection isn’t through long talks or perfect family dinners. Sometimes the answer is something much simpler:

Play together.

And for today’s families, one of the easiest, most accessible forms of play is video games.

Now, before you sigh, cringe, or imagine your teen glued to a screen ignoring you, hear me out. Video games can be a powerful way to create authentic connection, lower emotional defenses, and build a family culture of shared joy. They offer something that’s hard to get in our stress-heavy, over-scheduled lives: fun, teamwork, laughter, and moments where everyone gets to just be together without pressure.

Families often tell me they want bonding—just not awkward, forced bonding. Video games solve that problem beautifully. They give everyone a shared purpose, a shared environment, and yes, plenty of shared chaos. That combination builds connection in ways that feel natural instead of forced.

Today, I’m sharing the best video games for families to play together, and why each one supports emotional closeness, communication, and relational health.

But first, let’s talk about why gaming works so well for family relationships—even when it looks like “just screens.”

Why Video Games Actually Strengthen Family Bonds

If you were raised with the message that video games are isolating or bad for kids, this might feel surprising. But modern research—and decades of watching families in real life—says otherwise. Here’s why gaming actually helps families grow stronger:

1. Shared Play = Shared Connection

Humans bond through shared experiences, especially positive ones. When you play together, you build memories, inside jokes, and little moments of “us against the world.” These micro-memories add up and create relational glue.

2. It Lowers Emotional Defenses

Kids and teens often communicate best when the focus isn’t directly on them. Video games give families a way to talk, collaborate, and interact without the intensity of face-to-face conversations. It’s connection through parallel play—which is often exactly what young people need.

3. It Levels the Playing Field

Your child might beat you. They might teach you something. They might be the leader. That shift in power dynamics is incredibly validating for kids—especially those who feel unheard or misunderstood in daily life.

4. It Creates Emotional Regulation Practice

Games naturally offer moments of frustration, problem-solving, and teamwork. When parents model calm, humor, and resilience during those moments, kids learn emotional regulation in a context that feels safe and fun.

5. Most Importantly: It Creates Joy

Families need joy. Not just survival. Joy creates safety. Safety creates trust. Trust creates better communication—inside and outside the game.

With all that said, here are the best video games I recommend for real, meaningful family bonding.

1. “Overcooked! 2” — For Teamwork, Chaos, and Laughter

If you want a game that will have everyone yelling, laughing, and working together (sometimes badly, always hilariously), this is your game.

You run a kitchen together making dishes under pure chaos: floating platforms, kitchen fires, conveyor belts, collapsing floors. It’s absolutely ridiculous—and incredibly fun.

Why it builds bonding:

• You have to communicate clearly

• You have to rely on each other

• Things will go wrong (this is good!)

• Laughter breaks tension and creates emotional closeness

If your family tends to get stuck in patterns of frustration or conflict, this game is a playful way to practice handling stress together with humor instead of anger.

2. “Mario Kart 8 Deluxe” — For Light-Hearted Competition

Mario Kart is the perfect family game because everyone can play, even if they’re terrible. The items and boosts level the playing field, and honestly, half the fun is watching someone get launched off the track or mysteriously yeeted into last place.

Why it builds connection:

• Great for quick, low-pressure sessions

• Encourages playful competition

• Easy for kids, nostalgic for adults

• Creates silly, joyful shared memories

Tip: If competition gets too heated in your family, do team mode—parents vs. kids is always a hit.

3. “Minecraft” — For Creativity, Exploration, and Calm Connection

Minecraft is the perfect bonding game for families who don't want intense action but do want to build something together. Think of it like digital Legos… but with monsters, caves, villages, and endless creativity.

Why it builds connection:

• Non-competitive, calming, and creative

• Kids often become the “experts,” which builds confidence

• Parallel play encourages quiet, comfortable interaction

• Perfect for anxious kids and introverted teens

Some of the best conversations happen while building a virtual house or exploring a cave system—it's low pressure, natural, and bonding without forcing connection.

4. “Animal Crossing: New Horizons” — For Calm, Cozy Time Together

If your family needs something soothing instead of chaotic, Animal Crossing is basically therapy on a tropical island. You decorate your home, talk to sweet animal neighbors, catch bugs, fish, craft furniture, and visit each other’s islands.

Why it builds connection:

• Peaceful and regulation-friendly

• Encourages sharing and collaboration

• Zero pressure, zero time limits

• Perfect for mixed-age families

This is also great for families rebuilding connection after stressful periods—it's gentle, relaxing, and emotionally safe.

5. “It Takes Two” — For Deep Cooperation and Trust-Building

This game is stunning—not just visually, but emotionally. It requires two players to solve creative puzzles together. You literally cannot progress unless you cooperate.

Why it builds connection:

• Forces teamwork in a playful, supportive way

• Builds trust, patience, and collaboration

• Great for parent-teen pairs

• Funny, touching, and deeply creative

This game is incredible for rebuilding connection with a teen who has grown distant—it gives you shared accomplishments without forcing heavy conversation.

6. “Just Dance” — For Movement, Joy, and Emotional Release

If your family needs to burn off stress or shake off a bad day, Just Dance is the perfect antidote. It’s goofy, active, and impossible not to smile at.

Why it builds connection:

• Releases stress through movement

• Encourages silliness

• Great for mood regulation

• Helps families “reset” on tough days

Plus, watching each other dance is its own special bonding experience.

7. LEGO Games — For Cooperative Play With Zero Stress

LEGO video games (Star Wars, Marvel, Harry Potter, Jurassic World, etc.) are designed to be fun, easy, and forgiving. You solve puzzles, explore worlds, collect items, and laugh at the silly, charming cutscenes.

Why it builds connection:

• Impossible to “fail”

• Low frustration, high fun

• Perfect for kids who get overwhelmed easily

• Great for parents who want something simple and relaxing

These games turn teamwork into something light and enjoyable—not stressful.

How to Use Video Games Intentionally for Bonding

Here’s where the therapy part comes in. The game isn’t the intervention—it’s how you use it.

1. Keep the goal simple: enjoy each other

Say it out loud:
“This is just for fun. Nobody has to be good at it.”

Relieves pressure instantly.

2. Let kids lead

Let them teach you.
Let them pick the game.
Let them be the expert.

Kids feel powerful, capable, and valued.

3. Celebrate mistakes

Laugh at them.
Normalize them.
Use them as bonding moments, not failure moments.

This models emotional resilience.

4. End while it’s still fun

Don’t wait for someone to get cranky or overstimulated.
Especially with younger kids or neurodivergent kids, timing matters.

5. Use small moments to connect

After playing, ask things like:
“What was your favorite part?”
“What did we do well together?”
“What should we try next time?”

Light questions. No pressure. Just connection.

Final Thoughts: Play Is Not a Luxury — It’s a Bonding Tool

Families are overwhelmed, stretched thin, and often operating in survival mode. Video games may seem like “just entertainment,” but they can be a powerful, healing way to reconnect, laugh, and rebuild closeness.

Play creates safety.
Safety creates trust.
Trust creates connection.
Connection supports mental health—for everyone in the family.

So go ahead: pick up the controllers, embrace the chaos, and let yourselves have fun together.

Your family doesn’t need perfection.
You don’t need the right words.
You just need shared joy—and video games are a wonderful place to start.

How To Strengthen Your Relationship With Your Teen

By Carla Hilderbrand, LICSWA, SUDPT / Clinical Social Worker

The teen years can be some of the hardest — and also the most rewarding — for parents. It’s the stage when we can finally have real conversations and begin letting our kids make more of their own choices. But it’s also when they start pushing back, pulling away, and sometimes drifting from the dreams and goals we had for them.

As a therapist who works with teens and parents, I often hear one big question: “How can I stay connected to my teenager without constant conflict?”

The good news is that even when your teen acts like they don’t need you, they still deeply want your connection. The parent-teen relationship naturally changes during adolescence, but it doesn’t have to weaken. With a few intentional shifts, you can create a relationship built on trust, empathy, and open communication — one that lasts well beyond the teenage years.

1. Listen More Than You Lecture

If you take just one thing away from this article about how to connect with your teen, make it this: your teen needs you to listen, not lecture.

One of the biggest mistakes parents make (with the best intentions!) is trying to fix instead of understand. Teens shut down quickly when every talk feels like a critique or life lesson.

Remember, what we might see as “teen drama” is their real life. If they’re upset because a friend turned on them, it matters — and they need you to care about it too.

When your teen opens up, try reflecting what you hear instead of jumping into problem-solving. You might say:

• “That sounds really hard. I’m sorry that happened.”

• “I can totally see why you’d feel that way.”

• “What do you think might help?”

These validating responses help your teen feel heard, respected, and safe — which builds trust and improves communication. Ironically, when they feel understood, they’re much more likely to listen to you later.

2. Respect Their Need for Independence

Your teen’s growing independence isn’t rebellion — it’s part of healthy development. The teenage years are when they start figuring out who they are and what they believe.

As parents, our role shifts from managing every detail to supporting their autonomy while still setting clear boundaries. Encourage decision-making, allow natural consequences, and show that you trust their ability to handle challenges.

Try saying things like:

“Honestly, this would be hard for me to manage as an adult. How can I support you in figuring it out?”

Respecting your teen’s independence sends the message, “I believe in you.” That belief helps strengthen your relationship and boosts their self-confidence.

3. Connect on Their Terms

When your kids were little, connection came naturally — bedtime stories, playgrounds, family movie nights. But as they grow into teenagers, connecting takes more intentional effort.

To improve your relationship with your teen, try meeting them where they are. You can’t always expect them to engage on your terms — instead, step into their world.

• Play a video game with them.

• Watch their favorite show (even if it’s not your thing).

• Go for a drive or grab coffee together.

• Let them talk about their interests — and actually listen.

Teens often open up when they’re doing something side-by-side, not sitting face-to-face. Even ten minutes of genuine, positive attention can make a big difference. What matters most is that your teen feels, “My parent enjoys being with me.”

4. Regulate Your Own Emotions

When your teen yells, shuts down, or acts defiant, it’s easy to take it personally. But your calm presence is one of the most powerful ways to support your teen’s emotional health.

Take a breath before reacting. If you need a minute, say so:

“I need to calm down before we keep talking about this.”

Modeling emotional regulation shows your teen how to manage their own feelings. And if you lose your temper, repair it afterward:

“I’m sorry I got upset earlier. That wasn’t fair to you. Can we try again?”

Repairing after conflict helps rebuild trust and reminds your teen that relationships can survive tough moments.

5. Set Boundaries with Empathy

Healthy boundaries aren’t punishments — they’re a form of love. Teens might push back, but consistent limits help them feel secure and cared for.

The key is empathy and collaboration. Explain the why behind your rules and include them in finding solutions.

Instead of:

“You’re not allowed to go out on school nights.”

Try:

“I’m worried about how you’ll get enough sleep when you’ve got practice, homework, and need to wake up early. How do you think that could work?”

When your teen feels included in decision-making, they’re more likely to respect the rules — and more likely to come to you when they make a mistake.

6. Focus on Connection Over Control

When things get tense, it’s easy to focus on control — who’s right, who’s in charge, who wins the argument. But control often comes at the expense of connection.

Before reacting, pause and ask yourself:

“Am I trying to control this situation, or connect with my teen?”

Choosing connection doesn’t mean being permissive. It means leading with empathy and keeping the relationship at the center of your parenting. Teens who feel connected to their parents are less likely to engage in risky behavior and more likely to communicate honestly.

7. Support Their Passions and Interests

One of the simplest ways to improve communication with your teen is to show real interest in what they care about. Whether it’s gaming, music, sports, art, or fashion — your curiosity tells them, “You matter to me.”

Let them take control of the car playlist (and don’t complain about their music). Ask them to teach you a game, or show you a project they’re proud of. You don’t need to understand every detail — your genuine interest is enough.

This kind of encouragement helps your teen build confidence and feel safe expressing who they are, both inside and outside your home.

8. Choose Your Battles

Not every disagreement needs to become a fight. Before you jump in, ask yourself:

• Is this about safety or preference?

• Will this matter in a year?

• Am I reacting out of fear or what’s best for them?

Save your energy for what truly matters — safety, respect, and well-being. Letting go of smaller issues (like messy rooms or funky hairstyles) can reduce tension and keep your relationship strong.

9. Keep Showing Up, Even When They Push You Away

This one might be the hardest. Teens send mixed signals — they crave independence but still need emotional security. Even when they act like they don’t want you around, your consistency matters.

Keep showing up in small ways:

• Send a “good luck” text before a test.

• Leave a snack or note when they’re studying late.

• Say goodnight, even if they barely acknowledge it.

These tiny gestures remind your teen that your love doesn’t disappear when things get tough.

10. Always Have Their Back

Your teen is going to make mistakes — it’s part of growing up. What matters is how you respond.

In my house, we have a rule: “If you tell me before I hear about it from someone else, I’ll be way less upset.” That doesn’t mean I’ll excuse bad choices, but it does mean I’ll listen first — and stand up for them when it’s fair.

And one more important piece: don’t gossip about your teen’s mistakes. When they hear you talking about them to other parents, it breaks trust. Protect their privacy when you can — it teaches them that your relationship is a safe place.

A Final Thought

The teenage years can test even the strongest parent-child relationship, but they also bring incredible opportunities for growth. The goal isn’t to avoid conflict or make your teen happy all the time — it’s to build a relationship based on trust, empathy, and respect.

When parents learn to listen with understanding, set boundaries with compassion, and show up with consistency, the connection doesn’t just survive — it thrives.

If you’re struggling to connect with your teen or find yourself in constant conflict, therapy can help. Family or parent-focused sessions can give you tools for communication, boundary-setting, and emotional balance — all within a safe, supportive environment.

You don’t have to navigate this season alone. Healing, growth, and stronger connection are always possible — for both you and your teen.

Carla Hilderbrand, LICSWA, SUDPT
Clinical Social Worker – Helping teens and parents build stronger, more connected relationships.